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Something Resembling Life

It’s just the beginning…..

 

So lets grow this….this is a brief insight to me and why I am here

Writing has alway been a huge part of my life. Its saved me at the darkest… and even at the last hour. It has been my escape and my best friend too. Words alleviate the pain and help celebrate the happiness.

The earliest time in life I can really remember relying on writing was around the age of twelve and writing is still my refuge all these years later.

Throughout my blog you will find poetry…thoughts about life….celebrations and some devastations too….I am sure.

I leave you with one of my favorite Poe quotes…..

“Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before”

~ Edgar Allan Poe ~

Featured post

I have written you a million different times

In as many different ways

On a hundred different days

You never change

The ink does

Blue

Black

and other shades too

Let me color your world

with my words

 

Let me in

where no one else has been

Let me show you what I see

in you

reflections

without rejections

tenderness

without hesitation

Lets dive

to the core

of all that is dark

and seek the light

to emerge

And dive

again

for

more

 

What do you speak into the Universe?

So last November, sitting at a light on Desert Inn and Cimarron I spoke the words “I am ready for change, whatever you give me I am ready for”. By February of this year I wasn’t ready but my words came to light. I believe more than ever that what we speak into the Universe will manifest in our lives. I have been more careful lately and so much more specific. So things changed drastically and quickly. It took some time to adjust to this new life that I asked for. And I wonder why I wasn’t more specific now…. and I know it’s because I wasn’t supposed to be…Every thing is falling into place. Better roads have been placing themselves before me. I observe and pay attention now. What is meant to be is coming together.

Fast forward to last Friday morning, it’s after 1 am and I driving home (damn Desert Inn), I did it again. I was more specific this time. Details….I spoke the fine details of what desire into life. I believe there is a higher power that listens when we speak, regardless of our belief system there are greater forces preparing for what is to come next for us.

And then everything changed yesterday…a simple, subtle change. Checking myself at 5:27 pm “remember what you asked for?”. I do. So now it’s placed before me and it will change a lot, if I allow it. I asked for it, I was specific. It has been constant in my thoughts since then. I take a breath and exhale…..these words come to mind

Permanence in a temporary world

I am not sure where this is really meant to go…I just know I come here to think and heal. Tonight its to contemplate what is placed before me. To feel my way through this, to explore my emotions. I have never been this specific…its time, I know, for a change. Its time to take care of me. To stop coming in last with certain people in my life.

What do you speak into the Universe? Are you specific?

I think I am being shown that what I want is possible, its my choice. It’s up to me. The Universe is conspiring to help me achieve it.

Peace for your Sunday evening ❤

And I wait for you 

For the phone to ring

for a smile

for the dream

and the motion

to heal our wounds

and tug at our scars

to embrace the moment

and savor the years

to see the age in your hair

and lines around my eyes

from the way you make me smile

I wait for your hand

for your touch

for every part of you

I crave so much

I will wait

for the man I know you are

and the woman I am

with you

And

I

will

wait

for

you

And I tripped and fell in love….

This morning as I searched for words to feed my soul, I came across the sweet perfection of Joan Miro and her thoughts on two of my favorite things. Paint and words.

Her words tasted so sweet, filled the void and sparked a creative place I sought to satisfy. Twice in the last few days I have been diving deeply into my writing and lost what I was working on. I think that my words weren’t supposed to make it here…that I am capable of more, of something greater.

I have often entertained the idea of writing a piece based on a painting or painter I know, or even a friend who is a photographer and has captured something that sits with my soul. Something I can’t let go of. A story I need to tell or a poem that is seeking to escape the corridors of my mind.

Paint and poetry….black and white, full of brilliant color and life. I resonate with people I know who paint and who write. Art…it lights and fuels the creative fire. I think people light people up that way. Joan’s words sent me spinning…not able to think, see or do anything for some time after letting them settle in and absorbing the full-scale of what they created within my written mind.

I felt the love story of the Painter and the Poet, their love affair

The two people who create from damaged places and never cross paths

The two who find each other after many lifetimes of waiting and light the world on fire with their art and words

The mother and daughter….the times she cherishes that are no longer here. She holds those moments in her heart.

Friends who bond over rose tea and write about life and love

The way the paint feels on my skin and looks on my clothes when I am done

The words that tell a story. If I close my eyes I can remember the moment I picked up a brush and how it felt.

The words.

The.

Words.

THE WORDS.

The words….

I can tell you about the poem I wrote for him and how it will never mean as much to him as it does to me. The poem I wrote for two mothers, for a best friend, for a life that is no longer here, for a love that I crave….I can tell you the moments that led me to my words. How people lifted me up, destroyed me and taught me the most valuable lessons I have ever learned.

Can you paint me a picture? It will give life to my words.

Paint your life….Write your life…but more importantly love your life. Create your life. Whatever your modality is dive so deeply into it that when you surface you are satisfied in a way that fills you up so completely.

So there it is….my words

Peace for this Sunday in your life…and for every day ❤

 

Her list

She made a list once

Of the things that needed to be taken care of

When she wasn’t here any more

Who to call

and contact

and lean on

All the information needed

in the finality of life

And then she learned

about another lady who made a list

Much like hers

And she realized that it was

not the time for her list

So she tucked it away

Hoping and knowing

time heals

and mends

and changes

and sometimes it’s not good

to make lists like hers

 

 

And the reality of it is….

Life is ever-changing. Sometimes it is slow and steady, and sometimes it shakes the foundation of everything you know. Change…is constant and consistent even if we are unaware. Every. Single. Day.

I have learned a lot in life and not always in an easy manner. I have learned about forgiveness. Perhaps one of my greatest lessons is forgiveness. I have learned that when you pick someone up in their darkest hours it doesn’t mean that they will be there when you are merely treading water. Also that when you listen without judgement it wont necessarily be returned when you need it….not from where you thought it would.

Change…colors of leaves…thats what I think of first. Life is changing daily. New choices and decisions. New direction and roads.

The black pants and the white blouse? Hair up or down? Do people judge you because of your tattoos? Weird, random thoughts. Sometimes things just don’t make sense, and sometimes I know they aren’t supposed to.

A new day and a new page. Do you change the paper? Do you change the ink? Solid or lined? You just change.

And the reality of it is ….you go with the flow and learn to begin again. You learn to stop treading and start swimming again. To remember who you are and realize that you are a valuable human being.

And the reality is…you learn to forgive yourself for being hard on you.

Peace for your Saturday night and always.

Will and Determination

Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough

~ Og Mandino~

I have been wanting to write about people who inspire me for some time. Often times I do without using names, although they know who they are.

Many times when we are alone with our thoughts, it is detrimental to our well-being and lately this has been the case for me. So I have chosen to share an article about someone who inspires me when I feel I have no will.

I have always admired various people in life for their artistic abilities and I believe that we are all artists in our own way.  I can also appreciate the various forms of creative outlets that people seek. Many of us have suffered some sort of trauma in our lives,  physical, emotional, sexual, grief, loss or some sort of tragedy in general. Some of the most creative people I know have also been some of the most traumatized.

In 2015 I opened my account on Instagram….I began following, liking, observing and connecting with various people. Two of my friends have these eyes that present me with the ability to see life through their (camera) lenses and find beauty where many don’t…and so my love for the different layers of life intensified.

Graffiti. Street Art. Writers. Writers….words. Beautiful and colorful. Dark and deep. Bold, hard edges, soft, rounded corners…Words. People, faces, places and names of present and past. Writers…street art…or as I like think of them poets of paint..”poets of paint”.

The first time I can really remember words saving me I was 12. I started writing poetry or expressive essays ( as I learned from my friend Alyse to call them) and have written to heal parts of my life since. I think I was attracted to street art because of the lettering and the expression behind it. I knew it came from someone who had been through something…we all have a common thread somewhere in life.

I have followed many different artists over the last couple of years and this is how I came to admire one man, Benny Diar. When I think about will and determination…he, hands down, comes to mind. I cannot tell his story, you will have to read it for yourself, but I am sure you will find his thirst for life and art contagious. He has overcome obstacles and odds to do things many of us take for granted on a daily basis and he continues to be an inspiration to many.

So…will and determination…will make you survive and thrive. It “will” make you live when you think you can’t and it will drive to you to be the best you can under different circumstances that life presents you.

I hope that you find something inspirational or useful from here this evening….I have read and heard it many, many time…..”There is always, always something to be grateful for”.

 

Peace for your Friday and in your life

*used with permission of Benny Diar

 

Someone once asked….

And someone once asked her what she wanted…

She wanted to sit in a coffee shop on a rainy afternoon and work on the book that she had written a million times in her mind. She wanted to feed her soul with the things she felt most connected to. Words.

Her friends painted and wrote, weaved and crafted treasures for little shops and big. They took pictures of objects and people who fed their souls. They healed their wounds by creating beautiful pieces and places in this life. They left their mark. Yes, she wanted to leave a mark in this life that had meaning.

What did she want? Peace, calm…steady, easy rhythm to life. Not a roller coaster and of ifs and maybes. She wanted certainty. She wanted rain, coffee shops and bookstores. Tea and rosemary, lavender and honey…random simplicities. Big coffee mugs and good people. She wants to listen and be heard, to lift people up and kneel down with…laugh, cry and live life with.

She learned about crows and eagles alone on a desolate road at 12:40 am on a Wednesday morning. She knew about darkness and diving into the depths of it and resurfacing with some clarity. She knew about sleeping and rising alone, and feeling connected and disconnected from life and people.

But it wasnt about what she knew, it was about what she wanted.

Love and happiness……pens and paper….paint and canvas.

Life.

Today she wanted life more than yesterday.

And I miss you

Settled in for the night…

Long day, long few days. My mind drifts to you, and I miss you. Your words,  wisdom and synchronistic poems that had more meaning for our lives than others could understand. Pulling cards and writing our hearts out, laughter and tears and vulnerability….but wait..safety and comfort too. And I miss you ❤

I have hardly written at all…too much to say and overwhelmed with thoughts. I applied for jobs and caught up on emails and so here I am, settled in with my girl and our animals. There was popcorn and coconut oil in the pantry and truffle salt in the cabinet. So I made popcorn like you make and we are here and you are there and I miss writing with you more than you know.  An almost finished letter sits on my desk…so maybe tomorrow….

Here is to writing and women….and circles

New beginnings and scary endings

And true friendships and rain

And now

 

Peace in your life and for your Thursday

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