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Something Resembling Life

It’s just the beginning…..

 

So lets grow this….this is a brief insight to me and why I am here

Writing has alway been a huge part of my life. Its saved me at the darkest… and even at the last hour. It has been my escape and my best friend too. Words alleviate the pain and help celebrate the happiness.

The earliest time in life I can really remember relying on writing was around the age of twelve and writing is still my refuge all these years later.

Throughout my blog you will find poetry…thoughts about life….celebrations and some devastations too….I am sure.

I leave you with one of my favorite Poe quotes…..

“Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before”

~ Edgar Allan Poe ~

Featured post

Take a deeper look……

Take a deeper look at the woman you are with.

What do you see?

She will not show you every layer of who she is, because she doesn’t trust that fully.

She will supply you with amazing strength, kindness and love, but will rarely do the same for herself.

She is a mother, a daughter, a sister, friend…she is a lot.

And she is too little sometimes.

Take a deeper look.

If you cannot walk the walk with her, move on.

She doesn’t deserve a half assed love or coming in last.

Take a deeper look…

she laughs and cries,

she is funny and serious

She seeks permanence in a temporary world

Are you strong enough to dive into the depth of the being that she is?

To witness every layer that makes up the person she is

Take a deeper look at yourself….

Will you allow her to see you for who you are at your core?

To bare you secrets at the darkest

and share your greatest accomplishments

Are you able to reveal yourself ?

To be the glorious being you are and let her celebrate you

and accept you

Take a deeper look…..

What do you see?

And how much of you do you allow others to see?

Useless

What a funny word used to describe a conversation or the way someone speaks about things.

Words are cutting, lasting and damaging.

Useless……

So if I sit and tell you what my goals, desires or dreams are

Or I tell you how my day went

Or how bad I feel about what someone is going through

Or how maybe someone we know needs help

Is that useless?

Or maybe if you told me about your troubles, would you think that I thought your words were useless?

People don’t think before they speak or they just don’t care. I may hold my words for long periods before I open my mouth, but everything I say is what I feel or well thought out when the time comes.

No “one”, actions, words or otherwise is useless.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kindness or something like that….

A selfless act…to do for others with a pure heart, without expectation.

Today I spent lunch with two new girlfriends. During our brief time together,  I received several gifts, a book and a bracelet, but more importantly human connection. Last night was rough. Sometimes we don’t understand why we say the things we say, treat people the way we do or moreover why we are the recipient of these actions. I know I am tired, a tired that is indescribable. Sleep evades me, throughout the night and even today when I feel that’s what my body craves the most. Maybe it’s not sleep, but some inner peace, free from thoughts and free from the static of the outside world. Sometimes I think I ask for too much, which is in reality very little. I should not seek anything from others that I first cannot find in myself.

How are you kind to yourself?

What do you do for you?

And where is your peace found?

And in what ways can I be more kind to those around me?

How could I have handled that situation differently?

These are the answers I seek today when my soul is weary….

A stranger said yesterday “Frist you have to save your self, then you can surrender to love”, she is wise.

Self-love ❤ Self-care ❤ Self-aware ❤

The journey to happiness begins within

Peace for your Friday

 

The #metoo Movement

I sat back last night and started to see the #metoo movement unfold. At first I was a just a bystander and then I thought “what are you afraid of?”. So I shared the post as well. This morning I am amazed at the amount of women, my sisters, friends, strangers who are sharing. I am also amazed at the amount who stay silent. I honor them as well. Some of them are not able to confront that part of their history and maybe they never will. We love you none the less and we will be your voice when you cannot. I know that many don’t feel they can share because of how family or friends will react. That is exactly why many of us chose to stay silent for so long. We hear your silent voices.

I learned a few years ago that you will always share threads with people in life (Thanks T). You can sit in a crowded room and you will find people who will say, “me too” to your life experiences. We are all connected. This morning I sit in honor of all of you, even the silent.

This will be my first post I share on Facebook and there are many of you that I would like to tag but I wont. Please feel free to drop a heart, a comment or maybe just some love for someone you know has experienced this.

Peace for your Monday

 

Just this…..

Not everyone will have the same heart as yours…..

These words sting. Nothing has ever been more true and felt more deeply. We all get it. Constant learning process…right here….right now…tomorrow is another day

Just Stop!

I sometimes write about things that hit me randomly and put them up on Instagram. The above is what happened a few days ago, when I only had minutes and words crept in. Sometimes people show up in your life, say something to you and you remember that you worthy and capable of so much more. And sometimes something about them lights a creative fire in your thoughts.

They remind you of what you want and more importantly who you are. I set aside needs, goals and desires to take care of others in my life. Sometimes I get so lost in caring for others I forget about me. Actually more than sometimes.

I think we run from what has hurt us in the past, thinking if we run fast and hard enough it will never happen again. So this made me think, am I so busy running that I am passing right by that which I seek?? Maybe I am so busy looking for what I don’t want that I am missing what I do want. Just because someone hurt you or something didn’t turn out right doesn’t mean it will happen again. So if you fear being hurt in a relationship or friendship because you have been betrayed and someone amazing comes along but you don’t even entertain the idea of allowing them in your life you may miss something wonderful. Think about the bad situations that you have been through. There had to have been some good there at some point. Typically these situations didn’t start out bad. You would have missed the good or even great moments if you hadn’t taken the risk. Just because someone doesn’t know how to love you or treat you, doesn’t mean there isn’t someone else who will. People are strange and most times don’t realize what they have until they have risked it in some way or until its completely taken from them. All the bad times or grief you have been through has made room for new people, experiences and opportunities, sometimes teaching us powerful lessons along the way. I say let people judge you and even reject you, not like we have a choice in that matter anyway. Learn from it and press on. They are showing you who they are and more importantly what you don’t deserve…they are making room for the new in your life. Clearing old stagnant situations, creating growth and room for whats to come.

So much has happened and changed in the last several years. Separation, divorce, decisions, let downs…I think those are the worst. The breaking of trust. The impact the treatment of others can have on your life, your mental and emotional well-being. People who I thought I knew, I didn’t. Hearts I thought were pure, were not. Character…..says a lot about a person. One of my favorite women comes to mind – Dr. Maya Angelou, “When people show you who they are, believe them”. I regret very few things in my life, my biggest is not honoring myself for many years. I was who I thought I should be, who I thought people wanted me to be. When I realized how detrimental this was to me and those around me it was a powerful, often trying, transformation in life.

I am here, whole, sometimes broken, but aren’t we all in some way? I do the best to be the best version of me. I still struggle with internalizing things, with judgement of others and how it affects me. I don’t open my mouth enough and take things personally that I shouldn’t. This is where that character thing comes into play..where they show you who they are.

Bottom line….Live the life you want, make decisions based on your happiness.

And once again…we pass by this way only once.

Peace for your Friday ❤

A Sunday kind of vibe…..

Sundays for some are for making breakfast for their families or lovers sleeping late after midnight secrets and deep conversation.

Sundays for me are about reflection…where I am going and what I am doing. They are for cups of coffee, left over laundry and the stillness of my home. They are for gym classes with new friends and emptying my thoughts. An hour of challenge, both mental and physical. Mentally to stay centered and physically to see what my body can endure. Sundays are for words and writing….redirecting my thoughts. They are for dry cereal in a bowl and a nap across my bed.

Sundays are for dreamers….who dream of sleeping late because of deep conversation or making breakfast for those they love. Dreamers who dream alone. Those who imagine what life could be like otherwise….thats what Sundays are for.

 

Happy Sunday in your life

To let me love you….

What this means…..

It means I will support you unconditionally, that there is no judgement in the things you have done prior to here or what you do, unless it is detrimental to you, me or us. When you ask my opinion I will give it freely, even if it’s not what you want to hear. I will be your 3 am or 7 pm on any given day. I will respect you, your words, thoughts and actions. I will love you for you, not what you are or are not and not what you could be. I accept you wholly the way you are.

It means I will be insecure sometimes and need your kindness and tenderness. I will have an interest in the things you enjoy and try new things with you. I will work towards a future with you and beside you if that’s the path we choose. I will honor you as my other half and as your individual self.

To let me love you means that I will be respectful of you and your feelings.

To let me love you means that I trust you without abandon unless you give me reason not too

But I am not so sure you can love me…….even close to the same.

Its funny the things that strike you to write about….

 

And the thing is…..

And the thing is I stayed up too late and had to get up way too early….For the first time in some time I slept without dreams or nightmares…whatever you want to call them.

I wrote yesterday with my mentor….I needed her and our space more than I wanted to admit. I have a tendency to turn inward and hold everything in when things aren’t right. So yesterday was perfect therapy. The one prompt that we wrote with was “the thing is” and it has stayed with me and I feel it will become a staple in my writing.

So the thing is I wrote about what I want, funny things, silly things that rhythm and come right on time when you dive in and let go. Swim in the darkness that is your conscious thoughts and you surface cleaner, clearer and healthier in thought. I believe that we can manifest what we want. So I write it sometimes….and even though I haven’t written a lot lately, when I do,  I write about a future and what it looks like to me. Its comforting and sometimes familiar, like I have lived it before…maybe its just the easy recognition of what will come. Or just maybe its the comfort….the easy, peaceful feeling I find when I go there.

So I’ll be honest….I think of what my future looks likes….. (smiles from strangers, genuine smiles, are some of the best) and I think about where I have been and what I have experienced. You begin with a strong foundation and each of our foundations look differently. When you build with someone, a partner (this word has been sitting heavy and the meaning of it has occupied my thoughts lately) you gradually build and grow throughout time. When you know there is a future or a very real possibility of it you feel unstoppable. How do you build for the betterment of someone else’s future and not your own? A different pool of thought to swim in another time….

And the thing is I am trying to figure it all out. Where I stand, what my future looks like, what I want it to be. I don’t want to play games and guess where I stand or for that matter be unsure about where I stand or who with. People say I am strong, some think I am weak, it doesn’t matter. What matters is who I know I am..my drive, the things I want. Thats what important.

I just may surprise you and I just may surprise myself along the way…..

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