Yesterday marked my 47th birthday….It has been an interesting ride so far.
And I am so far from done….
In the last 4 years I have experienced more than I ever thought I would. My marriage ended after 20 plus years….something neither of us ever saw coming. I grew and saw the things I always wanted to see….San Francisco, a Giants game, Chicago, a Bears game, The Grand Canyon…I hiked 22 plus miles in one day, in and out of Havasupai Falls. A must for anyone that loves hiking and beauty. The pictures are incredible but don’t do it justice. I knew I was BADASS when I hit the top at the end of the day!! I knew I could accomplish a lot more than I gave myself credit for.
I have been comfortable and uncomfortable in my own skin. I have wanted to give up on life when it was unbearable and came out stronger on the other side. I know me. Fuck, do I know me! I rarely ever swore and I love the F word now….haha. I know when to use it though…its not an every other word thing for me.
I love the theatre….rain on the roof and thunder in the distance. I love the smell of the desert floor when it rains. I love hand holding, laughing, crying and breaking out in random dance and song. I have more fun than ever!!! I am Me!
A very defining moment was when my 18-year-old daughter looked at me and said she has more respect for me now than she ever did because I make my own decisions and think for myself. FUCKING HUGE!!! That was confirmation…..I did what was good for me, but for her too.
I have learned that at the end of the day you are lucky if you have a partner that is there for you…but you are lucky even if you don’t. I have a roof over my head, food to eat, my childs love ….a job, a loving 13 yr old uppy (my Jack Russell, yes, uppy). I have so much to be grateful for. I will pave the way for me….I will be happy ..even if it’s not always easy it will be worth it.
I have also learned about friendship and what it means. I have better friendships now than I have ever had. I also know how to be a good friend…and yes, by all means, I get screwed over sometimes because I have a forgiving heart and I give way too much.
So this is my New Year…I told myself I will write once a week. Really write…this is my soul food….it fills my soul, keeps me grounded, alive, grateful and breathing.
So let’s do 47!! I am good with that!!