Today (Saturday) is one of those days….actually its been brewing for a few days. I have several saved drafts about the moon, the eclipse, hatred, racism and so on….there are so many things I want to know and so many I want to forget.
Boundaries….they are so important. It started yesterday (Friday) at the gym. There are rows and rows of machines, mostly empty. I am in a row with at least eight ellipticals and she picks the machine next to mine. It usually wouldn’t bother me but then a man comes in and takes the machine on my other side. So there we are, the three of us and a dozen open machines. Toothpaste and deodorant should be required for the gym.
I have been thinking a lot about Kismet and unrequited love. I know what kismet is….do you believe in fate? That everything and every one in your life happen for reason? I am not sure what I believe any more. I know that if you treat people the way you want to be treated it’s not always going to be returned….so yes to unrequited love. This world is supposed to be about give and take….too many people take and too many people give way too much. Sometimes is just enough to teach you a lesson…sometimes it takes a long time to learn.
I am exhausted…life. Its not from lack of sleep, it’s from overextending myself emotionally. Giving too much and accepting very little or nothing in return. Does that sound greedy or selfish. They say self-care and self-love is not selfish….so I’m not selfish?Because when I think about what I want and what I would like in life I feel selfish or undeserving. Thoughts? Opinions? I also feel like I am unrealistic in what I seek. I mean really??? Does anyone ever get it right? 🙂 I am sure this comes from too many years of taking care of others first. I was once told that this behavior stems from me not wanting people to feel what I have felt in my life. Hmm….interesting.
I know everything is surfacing right now….emotionally.
I never watch the news and gather most of my information from social media or from friends. I don’t even have cable tv in my home anymore. At first it was because we never watched it. Then when I did it would lead to feelings of sadness because of the state of our world. Why pay for something you can get for free right?
So I will go dump my head trash at the gym soon….and let go of the things that nag me and drag me into another place.
Sometimes is just enough to make you realize you deserve more than what you accept
Sometimes is just enough to make you realize a lot of things about life
Happy Sunday ❤