Heartbreak

I don’t know how you know….but you know…

So strange to open my email so randomly and find you there…your email days before touched me because I know you know very little of my personal struggles and I feel I do well hiding my…stuff….from the world. You are such a good friend with open eyes and an open loving heart. How did I get so lucky?

So I will only offer that my friend and mentor spends roughly an hour and a half a week with me writing our hearts out and sharing what led me to her, WORDS. In the midst of the chaos that has occupied a great deal of my soul the last few weeks she has emailed me twice and its like she knew exactly what I was thinking. She is an amazing, loving woman and I am grateful for her friendship.

So here you go……

 

I still love myself even though……..

With tears in my eyes after reading your email and trying to soften towards myself here I am, listening and honoring the space that is mine while the words flow as freely as the tears.

And I still love myself even though I am angry at myself for believing everyone is good and for trusting that they have my best interests at heart. I am more aware in this moment more than ever that people take advantage of me, my own family included. Its an amazing quality to give with an open heart and its hurtful when you have nothing left to give or that they don’t even notice the toll they have taken on me.

I still love myself even though I don’t recognize the woman I have been over the last several days. Or maybe I do recognize myself…my old self. I don’t want to be her again. I promised myself I wouldn’t be…yet I see her.

I still love myself even though I always hope for the best in everyone and every situation.

I still love myself for being naïve in often times cruel world.

And still it is so hard to be nice to me…..

The words I still love myself are the hardest words I know.

One thought on “Heartbreak

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  1. Most important thing you will ever grow into is saying those words and meaning it. It will filter out the crap cuz you will know how good love (your own good love) feels. It will also give you a deeper well to love others from. You might find you can be totally open but protected somehow. I am not there entirely but I am getting close.🙃

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