I have heard this term used in many ways and had to do a little digging on the meaning. I have been through a lot of shit in my life, therapy included, and not once have I been told that I blame others for whats been done to me. This includes my childhood and adult life.
So if you notice a particular behavior from someone…does that mean that you are saying you are a victim? I don’t think so, I think you are just becoming very aware of whats in front of you.
I thought yesterday “I may be slow, but I will see it or get it” and there it is. When I say that I mean intentions or whats important. Someone who was once in my life said to me I always see the best in people and take them for what they show me in the beginning because I hope that everyone is kind and good. I do…
So last night as I was going to bed my phone rang. It was my Lisa Jane. I was sure that it was an accidental dial, but so happy when her voice reached out from the other end. Lisa Jane and I met at work in the early 90’s. Thats my girl, my sis, one of my Lifetime Friends. We have been through all phases of life together, we might even have wanted to kill each other at one point. I love you girl!!
So we caught up on a few things and something silly and exciting. And then turned our conversation to the subject of “victim mentality” which then turned into victim vs survivor. If you do anything in your life, ask one of you dearest and longest friends for a truth about you. Believe me, if I did it, resembled it or projected it, Lisa Jane would be one to tell me the truth. It doesn’t matter about tears or hurt feelings, its deep honesty from someone who knows you well. Its love. So here we are with our three-hour time difference discussing the topic at hand. I asked her if I projected that. She said never.
Random thought….when you blame others for your actions or outcomes of situations that they didn’t/couldn’t control, what is that? Not being accountable for your part in what was done??
Any way, she said for all the years she has known me I have never blamed anyone for anything. She also mentioned that I have always been a giver. I didn’t even realize that this has been part of my makeup for my whole life. I love my girlfriend. She tells it like it is. She said you are not a victim you are a survivor, she knows my stuff. We also mirror each other in what we have been through in our lives. Soulmates she said, its deeper than that.
There are so many things that could be said but in the end we teach people how to treat us by what we accept and we also learn by example. I also believe that when you have been a victim of circumstances beyond your control, sharing your story is healing. I don’t mean walk around telling everyone what happened to you, but when they confide in you, its okay to say, “me too”. Stand in your truth, its one of the most healing things you can do. If you have wronged someone be accountable for your actions.
Thats enough for this morning….
I am blessed to have you Lisa Jane. Thank you for your insight and being unapologetically honest with me always.