In the last several months my life has changed in ways that were unimaginable. I learned about uncertainty, fear, deep sadness, periodic depression, friendship and commitment…and I learned how to get up. I am one of those people who has to dive deeply into what life gives me, good or bad, tread in the waters for a time and resurface with a clear perspective on what to do and how I will survive. I have some amazing friends that stood strong and never wavered in their support of me. They were there at the darkest and are still standing next to me in my light.
So here I am, six months out. Same good, strong friendships and new ones blooming. A new direction, new job and an incredible man in my life which brings me to letting someone love you just the way you are.
Sometimes you don’t realize how damaging friendships and relationships are until you are standing on the opposite side looking back in. People will let you down, judge you and make you second guess who you are. But only if you allow it. I was untrue to myself for many years because I didn’t allow myself to “just be”. I did with my closest circle but beyond that people only saw who I allowed them to see, who I chose for them to see. People can be so judgmental and it can tear us down if we allow it to affect us. I did. The way I dressed, how I spoke, who I spent time with, how I loved myself. I lost the self-esteem and confidence I had worked so hard to build, I lost being comfortable in my own skin. I lost me.
The one thing I didn’t lose is the way I treat people. No matter how poorly someone acts I will never return that behavior to them. I will simply wish them well, close that door and push on. I have always said I will continue to risk my heart in hopes that someday someone will come and stay….
And then….oh….and then
On a humid summer day, at our half way point, we found each other. Its been constant and consistent every since. I am adjusting to this new normal. We showed up, unpacked our proverbial bags and here we are. We mirror each other in many ways, past relationships and marriages. The time lines, the me too’s, the “I can’t believe you like that too”, the creative sides of each of us. Soulfood. The way we show respect towards each other, the way we give, the way we treat others. The Universe has a funny way of giving you what you ask for, and in the end what you deserve. We are so present…We. Are. So. Present. when we are together. Was there a time before now? Past contracts completed to bring us to the present.
My point is we showed up. I never wanted someone to carry my bags, I wanted to unpack them and it be okay. So it began, without question, on that summer day. We showed up and brought a small bag to unpack. Without judgement or hesitation we laid the contents out for the other to explore. Over time we have shared the hurts, let downs, accomplishments and life experiences. Not one red flag. I look at this beautiful human and he fills me up. Our hearts open and receiving. We see each other for who we are. Imperfectly perfect human beings who didn’t give up on people and finding someone good.
So just be who you are and let someone love you, flaws and all. Take the risk, always, always take the risk and one day you will….You will arrive home. You will find, feel and experience peace and what its like to be fully accepted for exactly who you are. We took the risk and…..
Sunlight has entered our broken windows and illuminated life….
Peace for your Sunday ❤
And every day…..
Something Resembling Life 
This sounds just like my story only fast forward about 5 years now. Why is all that great feelings and mirroring each other gone away. All the me too’s all the “I can’t believe you like that too’s. Is it temporary will it get better.We always seem to be athe each others throats about everything and anything. I know I am a very broken girl. I have been since I was a very young girl I have been working on myself for a long time. He found me so broken but he allowed me to open my luggage all completely as a matter of fact he expected me to. So I did he made me feel so comfortable. He just looked at me and said it’s OK to cry I understand you need to cry. That’s why I’m here. You don’t need to worry anymore. I will be your protector your provider. You will never have to worry again. He use to hold me in his arms I always felt so great so protected. I always say he made me feel like I was a beautiful queen up high on a pedastal. I don’t ever recall of ever having that kind of feeling in my life ever before. But now 5 years later he is always
Looking at naked videos and pictures of other women he don’t really talk to me about anything he doesn’t hold me like before. He is saying I talk mean to him. I tell him how to think, feel. But what I am trying to tell him is my feelings. We both screwed up in our relationship. But yet were still here with each other but fighting all the time we have kids well I came with luggage remember 2 young boys were a part of that who he is great with and they love him and he is there father. What can we do how can we fix this.
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I am very sad to read this. I have no advice to offer you…it is your situation, your choices. Mine is very different..We, my guy and I, are in the second have of life, meaning we are older. We are very clear with what we want and how to treat others and be treated. True, no one has ever treated me the way he does. He is kind, understanding, loving and been through a lot too. We dont want to fix each other. We just let each other “be”. We fully accept each other. We have learned enough in life to know how to treat each other and also what is not acceptable in a relationship. Needless to say we have both experienced out share of heartaches which in turn makes us wiser. I wish you much love and peace in your life. ❤
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