Scratching the surface

Every morning when I wake up I lay in bed and think about things and people in my life. This mornings thoughts were about scratching the surface. How many people actually   scratch the surface of your life and really get to know you? We all have so many stories, desires, dreams, fantasies about the perfect life and scars that we carry with us. How many people have you allowed to scratch the surface? And how many people actually, really want to scratch the surface?

It seems these days everyone wants something or wants you to be something other than who you are. They don’t realize how hurtful the comments they make are. Making you feel like you are not enough…nor will you ever be. Wouldn’t it be nice to simply be loved and accepted for who you are? It seems as though it’s never enough. Never enough of anything.

Surface dwellers….they only want what they want to see or what they want you to be. Most people can’t accept people for who they are.

Recent comments have driven me to contemplate the surface dwellers in my life. Words can slice you to the bone and no matter what the scars never disappear. Forgive? Yes. Forget? Never….lessons.

*sometimes I randomly start entries and finish them at a later date..this is what happened (again) here. 


August 24, 2017

Surface dwellers and Seekers

Two vastly different types of people.  I wonder what other seekers think of the surface dwellers in their life. Seekers….hmmm that doesn’t seem to be the word I am looking for. You know the type…they show up authentic and genuine, lacking judgement and full of compassion and empathy. They are aware and awake. Not that surface dwellers cant posses some of these traits, it’s just different. One of the most amazing things to witness is watching someone come alive and experience life on an authentic level. Dare you scratch the surface? Yes, I guarantee if you are open and accepting what you find in another human will be no less than beautiful. We are all connected in some way. There are tiny threads between each of us that are similar in nature. We have all experienced great joy and great sadness somewhere in our timelines of life.

Scratch the surface, ask the questions, smile first, extend a hand…you may be amazed at the person you are met with. You may be amazed at how they impact your life. Some of my worst days have ended up being my very best. Be it a conversation with my best friend, a smile or kind comment to or from a complete stranger, hugging a stranger (yes, I do this). The people who I connect with restore my faith in humanity and humankind. I love knowing that they are out there…they are the gems in the treasure hunt of life.

Happy Thursday

Slow realizations 

I woke up renewed this morning. Many times you have to hit bottom or preverbial bottom before you realize whats in front you. Common sense? Slow realizations…I feel, not common sense. The only thing thats sure is our own self. That’s what we control, our own self..our feelings, our emotions. Granted we can be greatly affected by people in our immediate lives, but at the end of the day how we react is soley our decision. I have been hurt, lied to, betrayed…..I have been through a lot. I’ve let people drag me down, I’ve wasted time worrying about outcomes that were completely out of my control. I believe there are greater forces at work in the Universe for us in determining our fate. 

Jobs, relationships…daily life…how we react to it is our decision.  We can’t force people to like, love or be honest to us or with us, we can only accept whats is put in front of us and make the best of any situation we are given. So I have decided to stop worrying.. remember who I AM and what I AM capable of and move forward. I have good feelings about this coming year and my years to follow. They are what I make them to be. 

Today I am most grateful  for slow, sometimes painful realizations.  

Wanting what you have

As I made the trip across town this morning I drifted to memories from years ago….

I used to be judgmental about people who didn’t strive for more in life…I realized several years ago this was all ego based on my part.  I didnt dislike them or look down on them. I simply didnt understand why they didnt want more. They did their 9 to 5’s, working, going home and repeating this every day. They were living while I was striving for more….stuck in a vicious, stressful cycle that cost me my health sometimes. I was so busy being worried about being financially secure that I wasnt aware that I already had that security. Once I let go of that attachment I had what those people had….less stress and more happiness. I believe my self-created situation came from childhood and inner misery. I needed something to concentrate on and I had to have, A MUST HAVE, fall back plan…growing up my Mom never had a fall back plan, unless you count my Grandpa. He was the best man in my life growing up.

I am very blessed to have what I have.

I am so grateful for the people in my life…this is where my core wealth lies. I was so unhappy in my relationship and within that I concentrated on things like saving, paying off debt, no debt…I am not saying that’s a bad thing, but life is about more than that. I can’t take financially security or material things with me when I go.

I now live….I still have a fall back plan, but I know that life is about more than financial gain or material things. Wealth lies in your life itself….your children, your partner, your friends. Wealth is in the love you feel for others. It is carried in your heart…in your memories.

I feel, today, I am wealthier than I have ever been and it’s not in the bank…its in life.

I want what I have….

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