Do you ever have one of those days…

You know the ones…where you just cant breathe?? Where inhaling takes all the effort you have and exhaling feels like you’ve been under water way too long and you have to try to remember how to breathe.

Dinner at the counter, standing, where I am comfortable. Bird is singing a little, Hec is behind me asleep on the rug, Tito across the room on his bed. The wind is blowing again and again and….again.

Yea, one of those days…

Where you turn a corner and another and another…you can’t breathe because every time you catch your breath it happens again.

When I was little my Mom had this chair. It was so big, I would put my head on one arm and curl into a ball and there was still room. It was safe. I could stay there alone forever. I could breathe, safe from the monsters and everything else that was wrong in an 8 year olds life. I need that chair today.

I tend to repeat the words “I don’t know” when I cant put together my thoughts and I cant breathe. I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know….do you ever have one of those days? Where everything is overwhelming? Where it starts small and turns into some horrible anomaly?

So today is just one of those days….and when the night ends and I slip into the comfort of our bed, and the dark of the room, I will remember what it feels like to breathe again.

Peace for your Wednesday ❤

To let me love you….

What this means…..

It means I will support you unconditionally, that there is no judgement in the things you have done prior to here or what you do, unless it is detrimental to you, me or us. When you ask my opinion I will give it freely, even if it’s not what you want to hear. I will be your 3 am or 7 pm on any given day. I will respect you, your words, thoughts and actions. I will love you for you, not what you are or are not and not what you could be. I accept you wholly the way you are.

It means I will be insecure sometimes and need your kindness and tenderness. I will have an interest in the things you enjoy and try new things with you. I will work towards a future with you and beside you if that’s the path we choose. I will honor you as my other half and as your individual self.

To let me love you means that I will be respectful of you and your feelings.

To let me love you means that I trust you without abandon unless you give me reason not too

But I am not so sure you can love me…….even close to the same.

Its funny the things that strike you to write about….



I search for the words this morning….for life, breath, death and everything in between. I would like to slip into the still waters and let all of the ripples of my thoughts fan out and dissipate for a time….but its him that I want to surround me and keep me afloat.

I search my mind to find what it is I need to spill on this page to make the noise subside. I am starting to fall…….F**K!!! Its him….he is with me in thought and heart more than not…so here you go.

Sometimes life throws situations and people in your path that change everything. Your thought process…the way you live day-to-day, the way you love and who you trust. A common situation put us directly in line to connect. I never saw him coming and here he is. I adore him….and it grows daily. I was asked my favorite thing about him not long after I met him and it was instantaneous. His strong character. The list now grows daily. I love the conversations we have, they range from ridiculous to intense. He makes me laugh and makes me happy just by being who he is. I value his thoughts and opinions and I know if we put our time and effort together there is success to be had. There are people who come into our lives and they make you want to do better, be better and put all your thoughts into motion…someone said “Failure is not trying”. I cannot feel failure with him…what we touch together will teach us and we will grow, learn and succeed. I have never been so near to the feeling of succeeding with someone….a deep knowing that when we put our minds together, we can achieve what we set in motion. It feels unfamiliar and good.

I can only wonder at this point, by the things he has said..or left unspoken, about the things in his life before now. He said he trusts no one….but I will teach him that he can trust me. What I can give him is vastly different..despite all the things I have been through I am willing to risk my heart to him, trust him fully and begin with him. I wonder who has betrayed him…or better yet, who hasn’t?

I know that not every relationship is perfect and there will be trials, but if the bond is strong enough, you can work through anything. Especially if you want it.

The most important thing, is trusting, supporting and respecting your partner.

“WHEN TWO WORLDS COLLIDE……..kindness and strength, creativity and logic, naivety and wisdom of the world, the thinker and the doer…He considers all the options and she dives in deeply….he keeps her grounded and she adores him. The combination is fierce……When two worlds collide.”

(written a while about my love, my darkness, my other half)

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