boundaries – Something Resembling Life

And so it is

After several weeks of chaos and sitting with overwhelming feelings of sadness and almost despair I have had a few epiphanies…I love that word. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

My happiness is dependent solely upon me. I cannot depend on anyone else to give me what I need. I also need to start taking caring of myself the way I take care of others. I give relentlessly to people in my life, but never treat myself as well. People will take from you without hesitation, a lesson I have learned well, and then begin to expect it. Two things are sitting with me….I need to build my own future and I need to work on creating the life that I love. No dependancy..not happiness or anything else on anyone. I am hopeful for many things in my life. If I put the positive thoughts out there I will achieve them….send them out into the Universe and they will return.

Its funny when I give to strangers it comes back to me amplified. This is not something I do with intention…I mean I don’t give to receive. I give because that’s who I am. I don’t like to see people go without. One of my favorite things is giving to people who don’t expect it. It seems like it’s appreciated more. Within hours or days, every time, in some way it’s returned to me.

Its time to rearrange my mind-set. To look out for me. I know not everyone has my best interests at heart…maybe none of my interests at heart. So I start taking care of me and let life take the lead. I’ll be happy on my own accord. I read a quote from Abraham Hicks a few days ago and although I am not a follower it really resonated with me.

“When you believe something is hard,

the Universe demonstrates the difficulty.

When you believe something is easy.

the Universe demonstrates ease.”

~ Abraham Hicks~

When I left my house that day I smiled more at strangers and practiced more patience. I felt good for the first time in days and I felt better about everything. I felt like the old me with a little bit more of a tough exterior. I believe that happiness is self-created and can be enhanced by others in our lives as well, but not necessarily. At the end of the day its a conscious choice. We may be hit with circumstances that test us but it is our choice how we react.

I have distanced myself from some people, which is required for my peace of mind. It doesn’t mean I need to cut them completely out, or that I don’t love them, I need to love me too and be more mindful of my boundaries. This makes me wonder how the people in my life would feel if I treated them as they treat me. I am sure many would have moved along already.

I am glad in this day. My heart is good and my intentions are pure. Struggle is definite. Self-care, self-love and healing are imperative.

Happy Wednesday in your life…..

See what shimmers…..

Today (Saturday) is one of those days….actually its been brewing for a few days. I have several saved drafts about the moon, the eclipse, hatred, racism and so on….there are so many things I want to know and so many I want to forget.

Boundaries….they are so important. It started yesterday (Friday) at the gym. There are rows and rows of machines, mostly empty. I am in a row with at least eight ellipticals and she picks the machine next to mine. It usually wouldn’t bother me but then a man comes in and takes the machine on my other side. So there we are, the three of us and a dozen open machines. Toothpaste and deodorant should be required for the gym.

I have been thinking a lot about Kismet and unrequited love. I know what kismet is….do you believe in fate? That everything and every one in your life happen for reason? I am not sure what I believe any more. I know that if you treat people the way you want to be treated it’s not always going to be returned….so yes to unrequited love. This world is supposed to be about give and take….too many people take and too many people give way too much. Sometimes is just enough to teach you a lesson…sometimes it takes a long time to learn.

Sunday…..

I am exhausted…life. Its not from lack of sleep, it’s from overextending myself emotionally. Giving too much and accepting very little or nothing in return. Does that sound greedy or selfish. They say self-care and self-love is not selfish….so I’m not selfish?Because when I think about what I want and what I would like in life I feel selfish or undeserving. Thoughts? Opinions? I also feel like I am unrealistic in what I seek. I mean really??? Does anyone ever get it right? 🙂 I am sure this comes from too many years of taking care of others first. I was once told that this behavior stems from me not wanting people to feel what I have felt in my life. Hmm….interesting.

I know everything is surfacing right now….emotionally.

I never watch the news and gather most of my information from social media or from friends. I don’t even have cable tv in my home anymore. At first it was because we never watched it. Then when I did it would lead to feelings of sadness because of the state of our world. Why pay for something you can get for free right?

So I will go dump my head trash at the gym soon….and let go of the things that nag me and drag me into another place.

Sometimes is just enough to make you realize you deserve more than what you accept

And

Sometimes is just enough to make you realize a lot of things about life

Happy Sunday ❤

Tag: boundaries

…see what shimmers within the storm

Sometimes is just enough