Tag: change

Paper boxes

Paper boxes and brown paper

Pieces to a life

Marked with contents

and stacked neatly in the garage

What if life were so simple

Categorized, organized, compartmentalized

A little lip plush on a Saturday evening for some self care

Present

Paper boxes and brown paper

A tiny silver jewelry box from my Mother with red velvet interior

I can remember it from forever ago

We heal in between, those are words I found

I am in between for now…

and maybe touching memories and filling paper boxes is where I heal

for now

I let go of so much in recent months

Things I thought I needed

or maybe even wanted at some point

Nineteen year old stuff and two year old stuff

Shedding layers of life gone by

Life that was once carried in

Paper boxes and wrapped in brown paper

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Gratitude

For Saturdays like this….

Good coffee and conversation with you

My family, the vintage (because that sounds better) and the new

Our families together and apart

The new life we are building

Trips to Lowes and working in the yard twogether

Candles with oils, herbs and intentions burning in the kitchen

A full heart

Self-care, self-love and more healing

The people I work with and a job I love

Growth and change

Looking forward

Letting go

For a life well lived

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Your power

My thoughts have been totally immersed in our individual power and what we give our attention to. I once knew someone who thought it was unusual that I could walk away from some so easily. If someone hurts you repeatedly, disrespects you, or just treats you like you are irrelevant, give yourself permission to walk away. That is the beginning to taking back your power.

I feel that if someone discounts you enough, hurts you, uses you…whatever you want to call it, it’s okay to cut ties with them. No matter the part they have played in your journey.

“The day I chose to stop speaking their name, was the day I took their power away and took mine back. The day I chose to not respond with anger, I found peace within”.

So I move forward, an occasional memory will come up, or something will trigger me but how I choose to react is just that, my choice. I can say it is not always the best way, but it is my way.

“And the day I chose to leave the past behind me was one of the healthiest and most relieving moments in my life. No more worries about being enough for anyone but myself. It’s not to say that leaving people behind isn’t painful, but sometimes its just the best thing for you.”

Those who truly know me, know that I hold painful emotions and memories in until something brings them to the surface and only then will I spill them….just enough to ease the discomfort my heart houses.

Recently I broke…I think, no, I know I house a lot of pain that I have not allowed to surface and it overflowed. Triggers pull those deep seeded emotions from some long ago corner I have shoved them into. I know that there have been times that I haven’t made good choices in my life, but I know I have never hurt anyone with intention and never will. I don’t regret my choices, they led me to here, but it is my choice if I choose to…

“I choose not relive times before now, times that weren’t so happy. I choose not to recall times before now too often and I refuse to speak names of those that made me feel any less.”

So my thoughts right now are be mindful of the words you speak to yourself and to others….be mindful of the people and memories you give your power to.

After all, it is your power ❤

Peace for your Saturday night….

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48 hours ago

 

48 hours ago

I touched some old wounds

I remembered how hurt I’ve been

I felt the tears well

And the pain come up

Never enough

Or

Somehow too much

48 hours ago

I allowed myself a few tears

12 hours later a few more

And again this evening

I seek meaning

I teeter for hours

And moments

And a few days

48 hours ago

I was reminded how much I’ve endured

How many times I set myself aside

And all the hurt feelings I held in

48 hours ago I embraced the woman I am and the knowledge that I will never change

But yet….

I’m so different from 48 hours ago

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And just like that

And just like that my life changed

I asked for so long for what I wanted. I asked for change, said I was ready. In February, with incredible force, I was hit with what I asked for, but not in a way I thought would come. It took me almost two months to find my balance again, maybe another month after that to really sink into this new life. When everything changed it set in motion a string of events that would lead me to here and now.

Life has never tasted so sweet and felt so good.

So this weekend we took a Coleman mattress in the back yard and watched planes go by and he pointed out constellations, planets…The Northern Cross for me. No one has ever done that. He shares with me…The first night we stayed awake, the second I asked to go again. As we watched in silence with sleepy eyes a shooting star made its way across the sky. My poor man, I thought I was going to come up off that mattress and he probably thought he would too, because of me. Such a good night, such a good weekend. We slept several hours outside that night.

We have such good weekends together. I told him this morning I wouldn’t want to be his neighbors. We laughed. He is so very good to me, so kind and loving. We laugh, talk a little trash, have our own little language and we are good friends.  We are building a relationship with a solid foundation made up of many personal fine details that are only sharable between him and I. This is what happiness and good life is made of.

It’s the small things in life that are the most important. The man who shows you the stars, who makes time for you, who accepts all of you just the way you are. The man you can tell all of your secrets to without fear of judgement or hesitation. The man  who cooks with you and lets you (eventually) find your way around his kitchen 🙂 Who is patient and understanding, yes, its him. I am grateful for the changes…every single one of them. I know what is important. I appreciate it all.

And just like that I fell into him ❤

Happy Sunday in your life….

Remember its the little things ❤

 

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Just a little more, just a little less

Just a little more sadness, a little more happiness, a little less memories and just a little more letting go. Sometimes its hard to realize the value that relationships have or lack thereof when there is no benefit for the other people. It is in the depth of trial that you will see the true colors of those who claimed they cared or they have love for you. Let your circumstances drastically change and see who you are left with. Believe me when I say change will filter out your life.

Change….inevitable

Change….growth

So here we grow….

Growth. Sometimes painful but always necessary to push forward.

I am an observer. I watch and collect thoughts, words and actions of others. I am patient because all will be revealed in time. I listen to the words that aren’t spoken, whats in between in the still silent moments. I watch the eyes and the actions. People reveal themselves. I just have a an unhealthy knack for believing that people are different, for giving second and third….and a million chances. I am working on this habit or pattern.

This morning I have a million thoughts running through my mind. One is that some people will complain about what others do to them and turn around and treat people who are in their life the same way. I don’t understand this behavior, but it’s not mine to understand. I am collecting it for future reference so that when and if it happens again I am aware and can avoid the situation.

I suppose I am dumping head trash this morning…thinking through writing. Exploring whats leaving, hopeful for whats ahead and settling into this new place in life. It carries many different emotions.

Through this change and growth if I have learned one thing, it is that I have strength. I have stood by people and carried them when they couldn’t or didn’t want to carry themselves. I have learned at the end of the day it comes down to me. We take care of ourselves, we are responsible for our own happiness and for how we accept and allow others to treat us.

Just a little less pain

Just a lot more safe

and

Just a little more wise…

Peace for your Monday

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And I miss you

Settled in for the night…

Long day, long few days. My mind drifts to you, and I miss you. Your words,  wisdom and synchronistic poems that had more meaning for our lives than others could understand. Pulling cards and writing our hearts out, laughter and tears and vulnerability….but wait..safety and comfort too. And I miss you ❤

I have hardly written at all…too much to say and overwhelmed with thoughts. I applied for jobs and caught up on emails and so here I am, settled in with my girl and our animals. There was popcorn and coconut oil in the pantry and truffle salt in the cabinet. So I made popcorn like you make and we are here and you are there and I miss writing with you more than you know.  An almost finished letter sits on my desk…so maybe tomorrow….

Here is to writing and women….and circles

New beginnings and scary endings

And true friendships and rain

And now

 

Peace in your life and for your Thursday

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Enough….

You will never be enough for someone who isn’t ready for someone like you. I have observed that it doesn’t really matter how well you love, give or do for someone who isn’t ready for someone like you, it will never be enough.

I went to the market last night and there is a manager there who is always happy and friendly. Even when it’s insanely busy and people are incredibly short, Bobby always has a kind word and a smile for everyone. So as he was helping me I asked him plainly…”what is the secret to life?” He said “To truly know yourself. You are in charge of what you allow someone to take from you. You accept how they treat you, to truly know yourself and your worth is the key”. I think I could have stayed in that line for another half hour receiving his wisdom. Everyone teaches us something, it’s up to us to receive and accept the knowledge. I accepted it….and went home clearer than I was when I arrived.

We are responsible for the energy we give away and the time and effort that is not reciprocated.  We are responsible for how we allow people to treat us. A few things to consider:

  • What is your worth?
  • What are your values?
  • Do you seek these values in the person you are dating or interested in? Do you seek them in the people you surround yourself with?
  • What makes you happy?
  • Do you settle for less than you deserve? Why?
  • What qualities are important to you? Shouldn’t you seek friends or relationships with people who share the same qualities?
  • What do you want for your future?

 

Its important not to waste people’s time or let them waste yours.

I wouldn’t change or take back the things in life that have happened to me, I would not be who I am or know the amazing people who add quality to my days. I know my worth, but the strange part is that I allow people in my life who don’t know or acknowledge it. I know what I want in friendships and a relationship. I can honestly say that the friendships I have now are good, strong friendships that have been in place as far back as 35 years. That says something to me…it says a lot.

Certain experiences have made me a little more guarded, lessons received. I know that some situations repeat themselves until you have had enough and choose change. At some point we will be vulnerable again with others and open ourselves to love and change and more importantly chance.

Chance, Change, Clarity and Certainty

Be mindful of how much of yourself you give to someone who you aren’t enough for…in the end it’s not you who isn’t enough. Some are just never satisfied.

Some of my favorite words “We only pass by this way once”.

So, Peace for you Saturday and for 2018

 

 

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Someone’s someone……

Listening is the art of entering the skin of the other
and wearing it for a time as if it were your own.
– David Spangler –

 

After a sleepless night and a long conversation with a girlfriend this morning I found myself here. I love this quote from David Spangler, its perfect. Everyone has a story that needs to be told or emotions that need to be expressed and acknowledged.

As we spoke I listened to her tell me about situations in her life and how they are repetitive. How other situations keep coming up but she doesn’t take the risk to see if they are worth anything or can propel her forward. She is comfortable and uncomfortable where she is. Its familiar.

They say that if its making you uncomfortable, its forcing you to change.

Anyway, I think of her life and her children. I support her and lift her up with words of encouragement. I am her “someone” who will always been here. At 4 am when she can’t sleep or at 5 pm when she wants to chat.

Anyway….the thing that brought me here is chances and opportunity. I think life hands us what we are ready for what we need. It is up to us to see the good or bad, or maybe to take the risk which may send us to something wonderful.

Do you honor and value yourself enough to know what you deserve?

Are you someones “someone” who listens without judgment and with love?

Can you put yourself in another’s shoes or skin and see life from their point of view?

What you accept is what will continue…..give yourself credit where credit is due. I feel we can say to ourselves that we have done a good job or we are good people. Self talk is an important part of self-care. It’s so easy to tell someone about their worth. IF you have poor self talk habits think about this…would you stand by and allow someone to speak to another the way you speak to yourself? If the answer is no, its time to adjust your thoughts and words about yourself.

So today….just be someone’s someone ❤

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