January 1, 2017
Let me start by saying that I don’t make resolutions…I never have.
The words have been eating at me for some time and more recent in the last 36 hours..so here I am for a dose of medicine that I don’t want to taste. (Big Baby haha )
I have learned a lot of things this past year and also confirmed a few things I know to be true. First and foremost, “LISTEN TO YOUR INTUITION”.
I havent had a great track record with male figures in my life, from step fathers to my soon to be ex husband and partners. I dont care what anyone has to say…in my life there has only been one man who hasn’t cheated on me. One. They say lessons repeat until you learn. So what the fuck am I supposed to learn? That 2016 taught me I don’t have to be so nice and that some people just need to be cut the fuck off. That this time I am giving a second chance when I typically will walk away? I know that I need to love my self again, that I need to be as good to me as I am to people in my life. Selfish? I doubt it. I am not conceited or full of myself but I am a good Mom, daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend….I am a good human being even when life deposits shitty people in my path. I smile and keep pushin. I treat people as I would like to be treated and therefore end up with hurt feelings and more scars. I will not settle for anyone and expect no one to settle for me. I love fucking hard…yeah, I have baggage, if you say you don’t, you lie. So if you feel its off, it is….no rose colored glasses anymore of a good, loving, perfect partner. Reality is a bitch sometimes.
So here we are 2017…….I look back on the last year of my life and that of my friends and one thing that will not let up is “2016, You hit like a bitch!!!”. 2016 proved that there is no perfect person for you, we are all fucked up. It’s about finding the ability to love beyond faults, second chances come once. I have been through so much bullshit and here I am. So fuck resolutions and fuck being that nice woman who takes shit lying down.
Love ourselves,travel more, love each other, be kind, be patient, take risks, love ourselves, kiss deeply, let people that you love know you love them, appreciate all things, more life, less bullshit, walk away when we can’t anymore, love ourselves, we are the only ones we really have, its okay to ask for help, don’t carry the weight of the world on your own, there are people who care….buy the stuff…we live one time. Never, ever, judge a book by its cover. Love ourselves, kiss them…and more than once. Hug with intention. Make more eye contact and conversation. Be a good human. Above all love yourself and make you happy. Its contagious. Oh and one more thing, dont forget to……
Good love….what exactly is it?
What exactly is good love?
It wasn’t the Mom who was present but never there
It wasn’t the step father who was a monster
or any of the other step fathers who weren’t as harsh
Or the adults who told you how bad they felt about the way you were treated as a child
It wasn’t the cheating man or the angry husband
Not the fist that caught your face in rage
Not the blade that eased the pain
Its not the room where you spent most of your time
Its not the loneliness that is ever present…
Its not the venomous words spoken
And not the right words left unsaid
How do we accept something we are not familiar with?
Something so foreign?
So what exactly is good love?