Maker

I used to be a maker…when I was healing and when I was happy.

I made a lot of things.

I have been craving that part of myself again.

I am happy

….finally.

and coming home

I touch parts of my life. I feel, deeply feel, love and life. I enjoy the simple things. I even allow dark parts to surface periodically. You cannot experience great gratitude and beauty in life if you cannot embrace the darkest parts of yourself and life as well.

I don’t run from things, other than my own feelings and ever present, deep running emotions and that is only periodic. I have to allow myself time to process and then decompress and come back to the situation head on, clear in thought. The past is the past and the only thing that is important is this moment.

Healing, forever healing, learning and growing. Accepting myself and others as we are. Even the ugly parts.

So a week ago I made intention candles for a few friends and for my life partner and I. They felt good. And that was the beginning. When I touched the candles and herbs they felt good in my hands and woke the part of me that has been hidden for some time.

Soon I will be home and there will be space for me to create. He supports that part of me because we are the same. He understands the call, the constant need to create.

When you give in and feel

from your soul

In the quiet moments

You allow it all to surface

and subside

And you stand in awe

of the canvas of your life.


Peace for your Sunday evening….

#waituntilyouseewhatwedo

Soulfood Sunday

I write a lot other than here….tattered pages of old notebooks, even post its in the bathroom while I am getting ready. I have some things taped to the inside of my medicine cabinet and read them often. I think the one that gets me most simply says “Who Am I?”. It’s enough to stop me in my routine and make me question who I AM.

For the last two days I have been home…I am usually on the road or across town at my person’s house. Yesterday I had really good intentions of putting my Christmas tree up…no, not intentions. I was in good spirits until I actually got the tree out, easy part, then those damn lights did it for me. That and the fact that it reminded me that I have always put the lights on alone. A task I dread. I love decorating the tree itself and I am a self-proclaimed ornament addict. I have no problem admitting it. It started when I had my daughter. Every year (she is 18 now) since she was born I have bought her one or three ornaments, written the date on the bottom and placed them in the spot on the tree they pick. I had to stop and go buy new lights…really? I just bought the ones I have last year. Whatever!!

Well our tree made it up last night. I even stopped at Pier One and picked up some new ornaments. I need more….I really do…Oh and candy canes!!

So back to feeding my soul…yes, I am everywhere all at once.

I spent the evening putting more ornaments on the tree, cooked a Salmon burger and settled into my living room for the second time in more months than I can remember. I rented The Shallows….not too bad and hung out with my uppy (yes, thats my dog and yes, I spelled it uppy). I was a little lonely but in no frame of mind to be good company to anyone..even myself. I am grateful for so much, but we all have our moments. Mine was last night and even this morning. I was lonely. I got up around 5 and had coffee and trolled social media for a while. I think its time for a break from Facebook….the political hate is overwhelming and sometimes its hard to watch your friends be negative about life on a daily basis. I decided that bed was a good place to be and slept for a while before waking up to a horrific nightmare about my Mom. I don’t write my dreams any more, it seems like when I do they always come. Not this one…..

So here I am….I grocery shopped this morning and came home with flowers and ingredients to bake. I am making a pot of vegetable soup and the peanut butter cookies just came out of the oven. White Chocolate Macadamia Nut cookies are next. I even made a dry drink mix my daughter loves in the winter called Wassel.

Up next….maybe I will paint. This is the only way I know how to replenish my soul…I dont like putting my worries or troubles upon others, so in this time it easier to be alone.

So this is my Soulfood Sunday….I hope all of you are warm and safe wherever you are and most importantly …I hope you are feeding your soul…

Peace for now

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