Tag: HOME

And I love you

Evening sets in

the day is almost over

the troubles of the day have fallen away

The silence echos in our night

and I love you

The stars and constellations speak to you

and you,

speak to me

The masks we wear, the people we have to be throughout the day

fall away

And we are left vulnerable and present

and I love you

We speak a language, foreign to others

A smile, a nod, a glance and we know

It’s always new, no matter how comfortable we become

The first person I want to share with

good things and bad

tears and laughter

my hopes and fears

Its you…

When it all falls away,

I love you

 

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Sunday evening…..

A long drive home, plenty of time to get lost in thought. Cooking for a few days ahead, laundry, the Bird, the Win and the Tunes. The air filters on and off as the scent of the night linger. The neighbors grilling and their children playing, the family on the other side play catch with their dogs. These are the sounds of my night.

A long drive home, the to do list, the chuck it list and the sweet thoughts about the weekend. You took me to the ballet and I fell in love. So beautiful and heartbreaking. Yes, please, again and a again. In our good clothes we end up in a neighborhood bar, watching the game, enjoying our own company and singing now and then. Everyone falls away and its only you and I.

The contrast of our life….sleep ins, but what about those 6 am mornings? Its been a while, but they are so good. Soft rains and sitting outside, I am sure it was around 3 am. And I am sure I wouldn’t want to be your neighbors. This is what middle of life looks like. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Routine and not so much…sgood (yes, sgood).

So Sunday night. Highs and lows. Feeling my feelings, which I am convinced no one could completely, ever understand. The intuition that kicks in, the words people speak that hurt and the actions they show which do the same. I am observant, a lot more than people give me credit for.

The pineapple mango candle that fills the living room was a gift from a strong woman I admire that I don’t see any more, but think of more than she knows. Permanently stiched in the threads of my heart.

And Theresa, my Idaho Theresa, I hold her heart in my hands, always.

Life is short and should be well lived. I don’t hold fast to the past or the people who damaged pages of my story. I don’t “what if”, because quite honestly there isn’t anything worth “what if’ing”. I love my life in the now.

Instead I have been reminded recently of how short life is. How temporary and fleeting. I think of the quote that carries the words “finite and fragile”, life and love relate to those words for me. We should love while we can. We are not promised….anything. There isn’t a too fast or too slow, we do what is right for us. This is more than the half way point, the rest will be the best. If you can’t feel that, can you feel?

So these are just a few pieces of my extravagant life I choose to share. The human, the moments, breathing, sitting in gratitude for what I have and where I have been. For wisdom. For life.

For all of it.

This is my Sunday evening…..

 

Peace for your Sunday evening….and every day ❤

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What do you speak into the Universe?

So last November, sitting at a light on Desert Inn and Cimarron I spoke the words “I am ready for change, whatever you give me I am ready for”. By February of this year I wasn’t ready but my words came to light. I believe more than ever that what we speak into the Universe will manifest in our lives. I have been more careful lately and so much more specific. So things changed drastically and quickly. It took some time to adjust to this new life that I asked for. And I wonder why I wasn’t more specific now…. and I know it’s because I wasn’t supposed to be…Every thing is falling into place. Better roads have been placing themselves before me. I observe and pay attention now. What is meant to be is coming together.

Fast forward to last Friday morning, it’s after 1 am and I driving home (damn Desert Inn), I did it again. I was more specific this time. Details….I spoke the fine details of what desire into life. I believe there is a higher power that listens when we speak, regardless of our belief system there are greater forces preparing for what is to come next for us.

And then everything changed yesterday…a simple, subtle change. Checking myself at 5:27 pm “remember what you asked for?”. I do. So now it’s placed before me and it will change a lot, if I allow it. I asked for it, I was specific. It has been constant in my thoughts since then. I take a breath and exhale…..these words come to mind

Permanence in a temporary world

I am not sure where this is really meant to go…I just know I come here to think and heal. Tonight its to contemplate what is placed before me. To feel my way through this, to explore my emotions. I have never been this specific…its time, I know, for a change. Its time to take care of me. To stop coming in last with certain people in my life.

What do you speak into the Universe? Are you specific?

I think I am being shown that what I want is possible, its my choice. It’s up to me. The Universe is conspiring to help me achieve it.

Peace for your Sunday evening ❤

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Someone once asked….

And someone once asked her what she wanted…

She wanted to sit in a coffee shop on a rainy afternoon and work on the book that she had written a million times in her mind. She wanted to feed her soul with the things she felt most connected to. Words.

Her friends painted and wrote, weaved and crafted treasures for little shops and big. They took pictures of objects and people who fed their souls. They healed their wounds by creating beautiful pieces and places in this life. They left their mark. Yes, she wanted to leave a mark in this life that had meaning.

What did she want? Peace, calm…steady, easy rhythm to life. Not a roller coaster and of ifs and maybes. She wanted certainty. She wanted rain, coffee shops and bookstores. Tea and rosemary, lavender and honey…random simplicities. Big coffee mugs and good people. She wants to listen and be heard, to lift people up and kneel down with…laugh, cry and live life with.

She learned about crows and eagles alone on a desolate road at 12:40 am on a Wednesday morning. She knew about darkness and diving into the depths of it and resurfacing with some clarity. She knew about sleeping and rising alone, and feeling connected and disconnected from life and people.

But it wasnt about what she knew, it was about what she wanted.

Love and happiness……pens and paper….paint and canvas.

Life.

Today she wanted life more than yesterday.

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And I miss you

Settled in for the night…

Long day, long few days. My mind drifts to you, and I miss you. Your words,  wisdom and synchronistic poems that had more meaning for our lives than others could understand. Pulling cards and writing our hearts out, laughter and tears and vulnerability….but wait..safety and comfort too. And I miss you ❤

I have hardly written at all…too much to say and overwhelmed with thoughts. I applied for jobs and caught up on emails and so here I am, settled in with my girl and our animals. There was popcorn and coconut oil in the pantry and truffle salt in the cabinet. So I made popcorn like you make and we are here and you are there and I miss writing with you more than you know.  An almost finished letter sits on my desk…so maybe tomorrow….

Here is to writing and women….and circles

New beginnings and scary endings

And true friendships and rain

And now

 

Peace in your life and for your Thursday

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The Road Home

For my friend C. Lennon, thank you for the picture. Sisters, drawn by time, destined by fate and lucky enough to find each other again.

He stands at the end of the road with his hands tucked into his weathered jeans. His icy blue eyes represent all the comfort and love she has ever needed. The smile that stretches across his lips welcomes her home. Beckons of his undying love for her.

He is her destiny, they are fated. She is capable of loving and giving to him like no other. She breathes him and he basks in the beauty of all that she is. The way her hair falls on her shoulders and the scent of her perfume weaken his tough exterior.

He stands and waits as she reaches for him. She is safe and content, she is home.

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Welcome home…..

A little food for thought this Sunday morning…..

After spending a significant part of the last two days digging deeply into feelings and thoughts I have come to some really good realizations. We heal ourselves, emotions and otherwise when given time.

I have thought I was less than what I am because of actions and words of another. It can really mess with your mindset and self-esteem if you allow it. And dammit, I allowed that.

I know that I am worthy of a lot. When I spoke the words out loud last night and again this morning that I had been thinking, they really hit home. I know a lot of us have felt like we aren’t worthy, lovable, wanted or desired. At some point we have allowed others to plant seeds of doubt about who we are…be it by the words they speak or the way they act. I could list many instances, but are they worth it? Respect the people in your life…think about your actions or words and how you would feel if the same was done to you?

I don’t want to be anyone else. I don’t want to be someone I am not to please someone else. Been there, done that. Not worth it. In the end you will hurt yourself and you will hurt the people who thought they knew you. I choose me now. Choose to be authentic and still be vulnerable even though this world is filled with people who prey upon people like us. In the end they will be rewarded for the behavior they have bestowed upon others. It is not for us to repay their kindness (a little sarcasm here) or lack thereof. Life deals your hand.

I know what I am worthy of and more over what I am capable of. I am a good person with a good heart and choose to see the best in people. I stay too long and love too much. I look for the good and turn a cheek to the bad, I really need to work on that. They say when you meet someone and they tell you who they are, believe them. Damn….BELIEVE THEM! That is probably my biggest lesson over the last few years. If you aren’t enough for someone, you will be for someone else. Remember who you are, where you came and what you have been through…this has shaped you.

Remember……

You are worthy

You are capable

You are loved

You are beautiful/handsome

You are greatness

You are intelligent

You are desirable

You are everything YOU choose to be

Welcome home…

 

Peace for your Sunday ❤

 

It’s always darkest before the dawn….its morning

 

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A Sunday kind of vibe…..

Sundays for some are for making breakfast for their families or lovers sleeping late after midnight secrets and deep conversation.

Sundays for me are about reflection…where I am going and what I am doing. They are for cups of coffee, left over laundry and the stillness of my home. They are for gym classes with new friends and emptying my thoughts. An hour of challenge, both mental and physical. Mentally to stay centered and physically to see what my body can endure. Sundays are for words and writing….redirecting my thoughts. They are for dry cereal in a bowl and a nap across my bed.

Sundays are for dreamers….who dream of sleeping late because of deep conversation or making breakfast for those they love. Dreamers who dream alone. Those who imagine what life could be like otherwise….thats what Sundays are for.

 

Happy Sunday in your life

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Las Vegas

This is my city, our city, our home. So many have preconceived notions about what our city is like. It is not all drugs, prostitution, gangs, rude people and violence, although after last nights events you may think the last part is true. We have homes, jobs and raise families here.

My heart breaks for all the victims of this horrific, violent act. We, as a nation cannot wrap our heads, hearts or minds around this senseless act. I am not one to pray per say, but I have spoken every word I can think of into this Universe for healing and relief not just for our city, but for Puerto Rico, Texas and Florida….for this country as a whole. We are truly falling apart at an alarming rate.

I have watched this city pull together so tough at this time. Unimaginable acts of kindness from this city from opening homes, food, free counseling, transportation home, supplies for volunteers and I am proud of my city…the place I have called home for 30 years. For a brief period people have put away their political beliefs and remembered we are all human.

This is where we have lived, loved and raised our children. This is our home….not a bad place. Just a place where a person decided to commit unspeakable evil. I am sorry and sad for….everyone. I hope that they find some comfort in this trying time.

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