Slow realizations 

I woke up renewed this morning. Many times you have to hit bottom or preverbial bottom before you realize whats in front you. Common sense? Slow realizations…I feel, not common sense. The only thing thats sure is our own self. That’s what we control, our own self..our feelings, our emotions. Granted we can be greatly affected by people in our immediate lives, but at the end of the day how we react is soley our decision. I have been hurt, lied to, betrayed…..I have been through a lot. I’ve let people drag me down, I’ve wasted time worrying about outcomes that were completely out of my control. I believe there are greater forces at work in the Universe for us in determining our fate. 

Jobs, relationships…daily life…how we react to it is our decision.  We can’t force people to like, love or be honest to us or with us, we can only accept whats is put in front of us and make the best of any situation we are given. So I have decided to stop worrying.. remember who I AM and what I AM capable of and move forward. I have good feelings about this coming year and my years to follow. They are what I make them to be. 

Today I am most grateful  for slow, sometimes painful realizations.  

Day 250 ~ Self Talk


As I get ready, almost on a daily basis, I listen to something. Today I chose Tony Robbins: I am Not Your Guru. I know more about him in the last 30 minutes than I ever have, its enough to have caught my attention. I have no idea why I chose him, but I believe what we need comes right when we need it most. He picked a young woman out of the crowd and she began telling her story…at one point he said “Rejection breeds obsession”. And it was over, I was in. He also spoke about what I refer to as mantras. His was “I AM A FUCKING WARRIOR”. He said he would repeat it when he ran for an hour everyday and then after a period of time it was embedded in his mind. 

So its time again…to be mindful of how I speak to myself, to value my self more. I feel, sometimes like I am not good enough. A good enough parent, a good enough girlfriend, a good enough friend, not pretty enough, smart enough, not thin enough….the list is a mile long. I feel when people in my life look at me, they judge me and not in a positive light. I project my judgement of my self out into the Universe onto them….its almost like I ask them for this. I am so “obsessed” at making sure everyone is happy and taken care. This is part of my passion and purpose…to love and give in great lengths. I have been told by significant people in life that I give to everyone what I lacked in my life because I don’t ever want anyone to feel what I have felt. 

So I am going to back to my mantras when I work out or drive across town. They all begin with “I AM” and they are followed with the polarity of every thing negative I have felt or felt about my self. It will take time to correct the recent damage I have done with my words, but I know  that its possible…


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