Tag: love

Reflections……

Sunday evening….

Sunday evening is my time to reflect on the last few days of life.

I quietly started reflecting on my drive home on Saturday evening. The conversations with the man I have fallen in love with. The dinner party I had just left with a girlfriend I hadn’t seen in more than a year. The proverbial list I had made in my head of what we needed as I headed up the hill towards the market, asking you if we needed anything. Your response bringing a sweet smile across my face. Noticing there is a Target not too far from his home and making the mental note that if I need anything I know where to go. I am learning his surroundings. Just feeling life. The air. The music. Glancing at the clock and thinking 3 more hours until you make your way home. Everything feeling familiar, but yet brand new.

Tonight I am pondering the past, anger and the many thoughts that seem to connect to those emotions. I am not holding on to anything, no what if’s for me. I love my life completely. I just think about people and how they treat others. How vindictive some are, cold and thoughtless and wonder how human beings can treat each other so terribly. I have always walked away from hard situations in my life without a thought of hatred or retaliation, dealing with my emotions in my own way. I do believe that time heals all. Had I not traveled the rough roads I would not be who I am and very possibly not grateful for what I have. I have no room in my heart for hate or anger and I have many reasons I could carry those emotions. Yes, there are people, places and times I let go of. I had to for my own well being. I can’t hate, but I let go and heal.

Reflecting….

We have deep conversations about the stars, life, our families and things we love. It’s hard to remain present sometimes when I am so excited about the future. The holidays, blending our own traditions with new ones that we create. The trips coming up. The bookstore, the cactus garden or dinner at one of the places we love. You make it so easy to love you. Standing in the kitchen in our spots for hours talking about things no one would understand. Words. I hang onto them and yours are so good.

Sunday….

The drive across town this evening, more mental notes. I need to call my Mom, check in, still checking in at my age? So funny. My girl, so proud of the young woman she has become. I run into my two of my girlfriends at the market, quick, excited catch ups. Groceries, laundry and of course words. I need them like air.

Thoughts….

Life is short. Love hard. Treat them as you would want to be treated. Be kind. If you find yourself in a hard situation step outside for a moment and think of the advice you would give your child, family member or friend and apply that to yourself.

Love yourself.

BE KIND ALWAYS!

If you wouldn’t want it done to you, don’t do it to someone else!!!

You can let people know how you feel in a kind way and if it doesn’t change WALK AWAY, silently, with your dignity intact.

ABOVE ALL LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO LIVE THE LIFE YOU DESERVE

Peace for your Sunday ❤

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Couples

One half

Of two wholes

Together

Holding hands

Kissing at midnight

and

On rainy nights

Couples

the kind you look at and know they are in love

She matches his gaze

He holds her hand

everywhere

Their bubble

You know them together

even when they part

On sunny days

in the dead of night

and the crack of dawn

She finds her way perfectly into

the curve of his body

during the night

Their space

and they each

have space

Couples

the kind you look at and know they are in love

Yes, those kind of couples

 

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And just like that

And just like that my life changed

I asked for so long for what I wanted. I asked for change, said I was ready. In February, with incredible force, I was hit with what I asked for, but not in a way I thought would come. It took me almost two months to find my balance again, maybe another month after that to really sink into this new life. When everything changed it set in motion a string of events that would lead me to here and now.

Life has never tasted so sweet and felt so good.

So this weekend we took a Coleman mattress in the back yard and watched planes go by and he pointed out constellations, planets…The Northern Cross for me. No one has ever done that. He shares with me…The first night we stayed awake, the second I asked to go again. As we watched in silence with sleepy eyes a shooting star made its way across the sky. My poor man, I thought I was going to come up off that mattress and he probably thought he would too, because of me. Such a good night, such a good weekend. We slept several hours outside that night.

We have such good weekends together. I told him this morning I wouldn’t want to be his neighbors. We laughed. He is so very good to me, so kind and loving. We laugh, talk a little trash, have our own little language and we are good friends.  We are building a relationship with a solid foundation made up of many personal fine details that are only sharable between him and I. This is what happiness and good life is made of.

It’s the small things in life that are the most important. The man who shows you the stars, who makes time for you, who accepts all of you just the way you are. The man you can tell all of your secrets to without fear of judgement or hesitation. The man  who cooks with you and lets you (eventually) find your way around his kitchen 🙂 Who is patient and understanding, yes, its him. I am grateful for the changes…every single one of them. I know what is important. I appreciate it all.

And just like that I fell into him ❤

Happy Sunday in your life….

Remember its the little things ❤

 

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Just the way you are…..

In the last several months my life has changed in ways that were unimaginable. I learned  about uncertainty, fear, deep sadness, periodic depression, friendship and commitment…and I learned how to get up. I am one of those people who has to dive deeply into what life gives me, good or bad, tread in the waters for a time and resurface with a clear perspective on what to do and how I will survive. I have some amazing friends that stood strong and never wavered in their support of me. They were there at the darkest and are still standing next to me in my light.

So here I am, six months out. Same good, strong friendships and new ones blooming. A  new direction, new job and an incredible man in my life which brings me to letting someone love you just the way you are.

Sometimes you don’t realize how damaging friendships and relationships are until you are standing on the opposite side looking back in. People will let you down, judge you and make you second guess who you are. But only if you allow it. I was untrue to myself for many years because I didn’t allow myself to “just be”. I did with my closest circle but beyond that people only saw who I allowed them to see, who I chose for them to see. People can be so judgmental and it can tear us down if we allow it to affect us. I did. The way I dressed, how I spoke, who I spent time with, how I loved myself. I lost the self-esteem and confidence I had worked so hard to build, I lost being comfortable in my own skin. I lost me.

The one thing I didn’t lose is the way I treat people. No matter how poorly someone acts I will never return that behavior to them. I will simply wish them well, close that door and push on. I have always said I will continue to risk my heart in hopes that someday someone will come and stay….

And then….oh….and then

On a humid summer day, at our half way point, we found each other. Its been constant and consistent every since. I am adjusting to this new normal. We showed up, unpacked our proverbial bags and here we are. We mirror each other in many ways, past relationships and marriages. The time lines, the me too’s, the “I can’t believe you like that too”, the creative sides of each of us. Soulfood. The way we show respect towards each other, the way we give, the way we treat others. The Universe has a funny way of giving you what you ask for, and in the end what you deserve. We are so present…We. Are. So. Present. when we are together. Was there a time before now? Past contracts completed to bring us to the present.

My point is we showed up. I never wanted someone to carry my bags, I wanted to unpack them and it be okay. So it began, without question, on that summer day. We showed up and brought a small bag to unpack. Without judgement or hesitation we laid the contents out for the other to explore. Over time we have shared the hurts, let downs, accomplishments and life experiences. Not one red flag. I look at this beautiful human and he fills me up. Our hearts open and receiving. We see each other for who we are. Imperfectly perfect human beings who didn’t give up on people and finding someone good.

So just be who you are and let someone love you, flaws and all. Take the risk, always, always take the risk and one day you will….You will arrive home. You will find, feel and experience peace and what its like to be fully accepted for exactly who you are. We took the risk and…..

Sunlight has entered our broken windows and illuminated life….

 

Peace for your Sunday ❤

And every day…..

 

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Sunday Morning….

My bed, coffee, Ambrosia whispering in the background, a full heart and thoughts that are over flowing.

When people send me words it’s the best gift in the world. The above has been sitting with me since the day I received it. Over the last few days I have been reminded how very short life is. It’s up to us to make the best of what we have while we are here. I have thought about the imprint I would like to leave here when I am gone and it would have to be that someone, somewhere finds some solace in my words and some “me too’s”.

Life is short and waits for no one.

I was lucky enough to create a friendship with an older gentleman about 12 years ago. I saw Doug on a weekly basis and he always had a kind word and some wisdom. He shared stories of his wife and children, his business, relocation to Nevada and his trials in life. He was in his 70’s and full of wisdom for those that would listen. I listened. I am a little younger than his children and I wonder if they realized while he was here what a good man he was. So life changed and I moved and didn’t see Doug very often any more, but every time I left I got the “Be good kiddo and do what makes you happy”. So a couple of days ago I found out that Doug passed. For days all I have thought about is the advice and stories. Doug’s words echo now more than ever “Do what makes you happy“.

We think we will always have tomorrow and that we shouldn’t take the risk. And then what? What if tomorrow never comes? What if you miss out on the love of your life? What if you pass up the job, the adventure or even the heartache? I believe we learn lessons from every experience if we are wise enough to really sit with it, see and accept it. If you can carry the knowledge forward it makes you wise enough to know who and what you deserve in your life.

The words from Jeff Brown resonate deeply with me this morning.

I think about my friend Vee, who said “you are like a heart with arms”. I love her!! She gets it.

I think about him and the transformation that has begun. I think about how I have shown up, wounds and all and the acceptance. I revel in the resonance of being able to open my heart fully. What is too fast at this point in life? At 48 I am more than half way there and know enough that the rest of my life will be the best of my life. Life is what we choose to make it, dwell on the negative and it will grow. Dwell on the positive, love yourself, your life and those around you and life will unfold and present you with all the goodness and happiness you are willing to accept and so deserving of.

So this is my Sunday morning……I am not so patiently waiting for 5:45 tomorrow evening.

“Well, make a wish, baby
And I will make it come true
Make a list baby, of the things I’ll do for you
Ain’t no risk in lettin’ my love rain down on you
So we can wash away the past so that we may start anew
Risin’ over my shoulder
(Love flows) Gettin’ better as we’re older
(All I know) All I wanna do is hold her
She’s the life that breathes in me”
~ Ambrosia ~
Peace for your Sunday….and lots n lots of heartfelt love ❤
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Settle in

So, settle in my love

into your heart

and into your skin

Sometimes its you

and only you

and that’s okay

and you will stumble

and fall

and rise

again

So settle into your bones

and into your truth

It’s okay to hang on

and to let go

you have realized

when everything was gone

so were they

and they will miss whats to come

because you’ve saved the best

for last

So settle in

life is fragile

and so is  love

know that times change

and people go

and we grow

So, my love, settle in

to your life

because it’s just beginning

 

 

 

 

 

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Just a little more, just a little less

Just a little more sadness, a little more happiness, a little less memories and just a little more letting go. Sometimes its hard to realize the value that relationships have or lack thereof when there is no benefit for the other people. It is in the depth of trial that you will see the true colors of those who claimed they cared or they have love for you. Let your circumstances drastically change and see who you are left with. Believe me when I say change will filter out your life.

Change….inevitable

Change….growth

So here we grow….

Growth. Sometimes painful but always necessary to push forward.

I am an observer. I watch and collect thoughts, words and actions of others. I am patient because all will be revealed in time. I listen to the words that aren’t spoken, whats in between in the still silent moments. I watch the eyes and the actions. People reveal themselves. I just have a an unhealthy knack for believing that people are different, for giving second and third….and a million chances. I am working on this habit or pattern.

This morning I have a million thoughts running through my mind. One is that some people will complain about what others do to them and turn around and treat people who are in their life the same way. I don’t understand this behavior, but it’s not mine to understand. I am collecting it for future reference so that when and if it happens again I am aware and can avoid the situation.

I suppose I am dumping head trash this morning…thinking through writing. Exploring whats leaving, hopeful for whats ahead and settling into this new place in life. It carries many different emotions.

Through this change and growth if I have learned one thing, it is that I have strength. I have stood by people and carried them when they couldn’t or didn’t want to carry themselves. I have learned at the end of the day it comes down to me. We take care of ourselves, we are responsible for our own happiness and for how we accept and allow others to treat us.

Just a little less pain

Just a lot more safe

and

Just a little more wise…

Peace for your Monday

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16 again….

To be 16 again

and feel the butterflies

flutter by

To turn on the lights

and dump your head

Too close

and not close enough

To smile

and completely

revel in

the glorious

glow

of youth

To know the

truth

And feel

the pain

ease

and

happiness

again

All the things

you thought

were gone

but reappeared

And now you know

that you waited

too long…

to feel 16 again

 

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I have written you a million different times

In as many different ways

On a hundred different days

You never change

The ink does

Blue

Black

and other shades too

Let me color your world

with my words

 

Let me in

where no one else has been

Let me show you what I see

in you

reflections

without rejections

tenderness

without hesitation

Lets dive

to the core

of all that is dark

and seek the light

to emerge

And dive

again

for

more

 

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