Tag: manifestation

And just like that

And just like that my life changed

I asked for so long for what I wanted. I asked for change, said I was ready. In February, with incredible force, I was hit with what I asked for, but not in a way I thought would come. It took me almost two months to find my balance again, maybe another month after that to really sink into this new life. When everything changed it set in motion a string of events that would lead me to here and now.

Life has never tasted so sweet and felt so good.

So this weekend we took a Coleman mattress in the back yard and watched planes go by and he pointed out constellations, planets…The Northern Cross for me. No one has ever done that. He shares with me…The first night we stayed awake, the second I asked to go again. As we watched in silence with sleepy eyes a shooting star made its way across the sky. My poor man, I thought I was going to come up off that mattress and he probably thought he would too, because of me. Such a good night, such a good weekend. We slept several hours outside that night.

We have such good weekends together. I told him this morning I wouldn’t want to be his neighbors. We laughed. He is so very good to me, so kind and loving. We laugh, talk a little trash, have our own little language and we are good friends.  We are building a relationship with a solid foundation made up of many personal fine details that are only sharable between him and I. This is what happiness and good life is made of.

It’s the small things in life that are the most important. The man who shows you the stars, who makes time for you, who accepts all of you just the way you are. The man you can tell all of your secrets to without fear of judgement or hesitation. The man  who cooks with you and lets you (eventually) find your way around his kitchen 🙂 Who is patient and understanding, yes, its him. I am grateful for the changes…every single one of them. I know what is important. I appreciate it all.

And just like that I fell into him ❤

Happy Sunday in your life….

Remember its the little things ❤

 

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It’s moments like this….

It’s the quiet calm

before the flood

of emotions

It’s the sound of the house

before you wake

It’s the feel of the fabric

and the hum of the air

The incense that lingers

from last night

The remnants

and snapshots

The smiles

and laughter

The serious conversation

and the shared moments

of the weekend

you were gone

The way you love them

and the way you speak

The way we missed

each other

It’s the words you’ve shared

It’s the moments,

all of them

tied

perfectly together

right here

right now

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Sunday Morning….

My bed, coffee, Ambrosia whispering in the background, a full heart and thoughts that are over flowing.

When people send me words it’s the best gift in the world. The above has been sitting with me since the day I received it. Over the last few days I have been reminded how very short life is. It’s up to us to make the best of what we have while we are here. I have thought about the imprint I would like to leave here when I am gone and it would have to be that someone, somewhere finds some solace in my words and some “me too’s”.

Life is short and waits for no one.

I was lucky enough to create a friendship with an older gentleman about 12 years ago. I saw Doug on a weekly basis and he always had a kind word and some wisdom. He shared stories of his wife and children, his business, relocation to Nevada and his trials in life. He was in his 70’s and full of wisdom for those that would listen. I listened. I am a little younger than his children and I wonder if they realized while he was here what a good man he was. So life changed and I moved and didn’t see Doug very often any more, but every time I left I got the “Be good kiddo and do what makes you happy”. So a couple of days ago I found out that Doug passed. For days all I have thought about is the advice and stories. Doug’s words echo now more than ever “Do what makes you happy“.

We think we will always have tomorrow and that we shouldn’t take the risk. And then what? What if tomorrow never comes? What if you miss out on the love of your life? What if you pass up the job, the adventure or even the heartache? I believe we learn lessons from every experience if we are wise enough to really sit with it, see and accept it. If you can carry the knowledge forward it makes you wise enough to know who and what you deserve in your life.

The words from Jeff Brown resonate deeply with me this morning.

I think about my friend Vee, who said “you are like a heart with arms”. I love her!! She gets it.

I think about him and the transformation that has begun. I think about how I have shown up, wounds and all and the acceptance. I revel in the resonance of being able to open my heart fully. What is too fast at this point in life? At 48 I am more than half way there and know enough that the rest of my life will be the best of my life. Life is what we choose to make it, dwell on the negative and it will grow. Dwell on the positive, love yourself, your life and those around you and life will unfold and present you with all the goodness and happiness you are willing to accept and so deserving of.

So this is my Sunday morning……I am not so patiently waiting for 5:45 tomorrow evening.

“Well, make a wish, baby
And I will make it come true
Make a list baby, of the things I’ll do for you
Ain’t no risk in lettin’ my love rain down on you
So we can wash away the past so that we may start anew
Risin’ over my shoulder
(Love flows) Gettin’ better as we’re older
(All I know) All I wanna do is hold her
She’s the life that breathes in me”
~ Ambrosia ~
Peace for your Sunday….and lots n lots of heartfelt love ❤
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Contemplating my next move….

That’s one of my favorite things to say when someone asks me what I am doing. It usually throws them off….but aren’t we always contemplating our next move??

So what exactly is next?

I sat in humble gratitude early Christmas morning for all the good people and things in my life. Especially my child. I even honor the not so great parts and the people who have caused me pain on many levels that was never deserved. They have taught me so much. Life sure has had a lot of ups and downs for me this past year and I know that I will not repeat that in 2018.

Twice in a matter of months I have made lists to the Universe of what I want in life. Really simple, yet it seems some of the hardest to appear. I must not be ready for the good things yet. Or maybe it’s that we don’t truly know how to accept what we want when it appears. Or maybe we are so blinded by the things we have been through that we are unwilling to take the risk to taste a better life. Shouldn’t you wish the same for you that you would wish for people in your life??

So this is what’s next….2018

A selfish year. My year. More me. I deserve better than I get and then I accept. Isn’t it funny what we are willing to give or do for others and we don’t even allow ourselves a tiny fraction of that. Yes, more me. More kindness….better self talk. More trips and less stress. More love, always more love. Wisdom to know that I need to treat myself as well as I treat others. More deep conversation and writing…yes, so much more writing. Adventures….are so needed and welcomed. Maybe I should be the one who randomly calls a friend at 2 am to see the city while it sleeps. Or walking in the rain. Lets all be selfish this year. It doesn’t mean being unkind to others, but happiness starts within…its not selfish to take care of you. When you are truly happy with who you are everything falls into place. I am so ready for 2018.

 

Peace for your Friday night ❤

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…see what shimmers within the storm

And so it is

After several weeks of chaos and sitting with overwhelming feelings of sadness and almost despair I have had a few epiphanies…I love that word. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

My happiness is dependent solely upon me. I cannot depend on anyone else to give me what I need. I also need to start taking caring of myself the way I take care of others. I give relentlessly to people in my life, but never treat myself as well. People will take from you without hesitation, a lesson I have learned well, and then begin to expect it. Two things are sitting with me….I need to build my own future and I need to work on creating the life that I love. No dependancy..not happiness or anything else on anyone. I am hopeful for many things in my life. If I put the positive thoughts out there I will achieve them….send them out into the Universe and they will return.

Its funny when I give to strangers it comes back to me amplified. This is not something I do with intention…I mean I don’t give to receive. I give because that’s who I am. I don’t like to see people go without. One of my favorite things is giving to people who don’t expect it. It seems like it’s appreciated more. Within hours or days, every time, in some way it’s returned to me.

Its time to rearrange my mind-set. To look out for me. I know not everyone has my best interests at heart…maybe none of my interests at heart. So I start taking care of me and let life take the lead. I’ll be happy on my own accord. I  read a quote from Abraham Hicks a few days ago and although I am not a follower it really resonated with me.

“When you believe something is hard, 

the Universe demonstrates the difficulty.

When you believe something is easy.

the Universe demonstrates ease.” 

~ Abraham Hicks~ 

 

When I left my house that day I smiled more at strangers and practiced more patience. I felt good for the first time in days and I felt better about everything. I felt like the old me with a little bit more of a tough exterior.  I believe that happiness is self-created and can be enhanced by others in our lives as well, but not necessarily. At the end of the day its a conscious choice. We may be hit with circumstances that test us but it is our choice how we react.

I have distanced myself from some people, which is required for my peace of mind. It doesn’t mean I need to cut them completely out, or that I don’t love them, I need to love me too and be more mindful of my boundaries. This makes me wonder how the people in my life would feel if I treated them as they treat me.  I am sure many would have moved along already.

I am glad in this day. My heart is good and my intentions are pure. Struggle is definite. Self-care, self-love and healing are imperative.

Happy Wednesday in your life…..

See what shimmers…..

 

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And she came home….

On a plain piece of notebook paper…she came home.

She wrote all of her desires and needs to be cast into the great unknown on the night of the full moon

She never asked for much, very little in fact

A kind heart and hand

Someone to love and protect her….not hurt her

It seems for so long she attracted the self destructive people

the damaging, the abusive….

the irrevocably broken themselves

All she wanted was what she gave returned to her….

But she didn’t need to tell someone

She needed the someone to see her and know

So, tonight, on the night of the full moon when the energy was at its peak…

She asked for what she longed for…she asked for everything she knows she deserves

As she lit the flame and let it all go

She sensed peace within her soul

and sensed love of self

She needed to bestow the compassion on herself that she so easily gave away

She forgave her self for trusting too much, for trying too hard

She forgave herself for being way to hard on herself and letting others be hard on her

She came home to the woman…not the damaged little girl…

She was at ease in her own skin for the first time in a very long time

She came home

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