Tag: new beginnings

One year ago

Watching you from the kitchen while I wait for the coffee to finish and I drop into a moment from a year ago.

One year ago I had very little direction, something I wasn’t used to. My future seemed very unclear. The job I had disappeared and I faced a lot of uncertainties. I applied and applied. I was consumed with searching for work. It was the first time in many, many years that I had nowhere to go and no where to be.

You pass by the window where I am sitting and I think about what triggered me to come to this moment and space. It is how I feel and see myself now. And of course the way you see me, the way you love me and the random kiss in line at the store.

One year ago I never thought the life I live now was even possible. I look at my picture and I am not even the same person I was then. I was unhappy and trying to figure it out.

With the reassurance from friends, long time and recent. I picked up and filled my days with work, the gym and what little life I held together. Not really living, but existing.

I know now more than ever that I am a survivor and I have strength that a few never gave me credit for.

There was a particular conversation where I was told, “I promise you something better will be on the other side of this”. Those words will stay with me for the rest of my days and I pass them on when I can.

So the other side of this was certainty, stability, a job I love, a man who I love more and more every day. A quiet, easy balance to life that I have never felt before.

Sometimes we stay up too late and sleep in

And sometimes we talk a lot or not at all, but there is always, always something to say or share

We drive to Boulder City for breakfast and it doesn’t work out

But we are so present, in everything

So when you stuck your head in the back door I had already dropped into the moment of gratitude for the life I have now and the life I have with you.

So this life is a better life than one year ago…

Always remember that whatever struggles you experience in your life something better will be on the other side of them ….


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Couples

One half

Of two wholes

Together

Holding hands

Kissing at midnight

and

On rainy nights

Couples

the kind you look at and know they are in love

She matches his gaze

He holds her hand

everywhere

Their bubble

You know them together

even when they part

On sunny days

in the dead of night

and the crack of dawn

She finds her way perfectly into

the curve of his body

during the night

Their space

and they each

have space

Couples

the kind you look at and know they are in love

Yes, those kind of couples

 

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Sunday Morning….

My bed, coffee, Ambrosia whispering in the background, a full heart and thoughts that are over flowing.

When people send me words it’s the best gift in the world. The above has been sitting with me since the day I received it. Over the last few days I have been reminded how very short life is. It’s up to us to make the best of what we have while we are here. I have thought about the imprint I would like to leave here when I am gone and it would have to be that someone, somewhere finds some solace in my words and some “me too’s”.

Life is short and waits for no one.

I was lucky enough to create a friendship with an older gentleman about 12 years ago. I saw Doug on a weekly basis and he always had a kind word and some wisdom. He shared stories of his wife and children, his business, relocation to Nevada and his trials in life. He was in his 70’s and full of wisdom for those that would listen. I listened. I am a little younger than his children and I wonder if they realized while he was here what a good man he was. So life changed and I moved and didn’t see Doug very often any more, but every time I left I got the “Be good kiddo and do what makes you happy”. So a couple of days ago I found out that Doug passed. For days all I have thought about is the advice and stories. Doug’s words echo now more than ever “Do what makes you happy“.

We think we will always have tomorrow and that we shouldn’t take the risk. And then what? What if tomorrow never comes? What if you miss out on the love of your life? What if you pass up the job, the adventure or even the heartache? I believe we learn lessons from every experience if we are wise enough to really sit with it, see and accept it. If you can carry the knowledge forward it makes you wise enough to know who and what you deserve in your life.

The words from Jeff Brown resonate deeply with me this morning.

I think about my friend Vee, who said “you are like a heart with arms”. I love her!! She gets it.

I think about him and the transformation that has begun. I think about how I have shown up, wounds and all and the acceptance. I revel in the resonance of being able to open my heart fully. What is too fast at this point in life? At 48 I am more than half way there and know enough that the rest of my life will be the best of my life. Life is what we choose to make it, dwell on the negative and it will grow. Dwell on the positive, love yourself, your life and those around you and life will unfold and present you with all the goodness and happiness you are willing to accept and so deserving of.

So this is my Sunday morning……I am not so patiently waiting for 5:45 tomorrow evening.

“Well, make a wish, baby
And I will make it come true
Make a list baby, of the things I’ll do for you
Ain’t no risk in lettin’ my love rain down on you
So we can wash away the past so that we may start anew
Risin’ over my shoulder
(Love flows) Gettin’ better as we’re older
(All I know) All I wanna do is hold her
She’s the life that breathes in me”
~ Ambrosia ~
Peace for your Sunday….and lots n lots of heartfelt love ❤
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And then you found me…

On a humid summer day

We showed up

We threw the boundaries out the window

and had lunch

She’s 20

and I broke the coffee rule

We walked and talked

And it felt comfortable and right

Do you want to see me again?

I do

and I still do, again and again

And lunch

and lunch

and another

And dinner…

And many more of each

Mornings, evenings and nights

Our bubble

Planting the garden

and weeding it

Smiling with our hearts

and eyes

The pot of gold

and your boys

When you are so happy you cry

And when so good,

feels so right

You

and I

and You and I

and now

We

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Her list

She made a list once

Of the things that needed to be taken care of

When she wasn’t here any more

Who to call

and contact

and lean on

All the information needed

in the finality of life

And then she learned

about another lady who made a list

Much like hers

And she realized that it was

not the time for her list

So she tucked it away

Hoping and knowing

time heals

and mends

and changes

and sometimes it’s not good

to make lists like hers

 

 

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