Tag: random

Reflections……

Sunday evening….

Sunday evening is my time to reflect on the last few days of life.

I quietly started reflecting on my drive home on Saturday evening. The conversations with the man I have fallen in love with. The dinner party I had just left with a girlfriend I hadn’t seen in more than a year. The proverbial list I had made in my head of what we needed as I headed up the hill towards the market, asking you if we needed anything. Your response bringing a sweet smile across my face. Noticing there is a Target not too far from his home and making the mental note that if I need anything I know where to go. I am learning his surroundings. Just feeling life. The air. The music. Glancing at the clock and thinking 3 more hours until you make your way home. Everything feeling familiar, but yet brand new.

Tonight I am pondering the past, anger and the many thoughts that seem to connect to those emotions. I am not holding on to anything, no what if’s for me. I love my life completely. I just think about people and how they treat others. How vindictive some are, cold and thoughtless and wonder how human beings can treat each other so terribly. I have always walked away from hard situations in my life without a thought of hatred or retaliation, dealing with my emotions in my own way. I do believe that time heals all. Had I not traveled the rough roads I would not be who I am and very possibly not grateful for what I have. I have no room in my heart for hate or anger and I have many reasons I could carry those emotions. Yes, there are people, places and times I let go of. I had to for my own well being. I can’t hate, but I let go and heal.

Reflecting….

We have deep conversations about the stars, life, our families and things we love. It’s hard to remain present sometimes when I am so excited about the future. The holidays, blending our own traditions with new ones that we create. The trips coming up. The bookstore, the cactus garden or dinner at one of the places we love. You make it so easy to love you. Standing in the kitchen in our spots for hours talking about things no one would understand. Words. I hang onto them and yours are so good.

Sunday….

The drive across town this evening, more mental notes. I need to call my Mom, check in, still checking in at my age? So funny. My girl, so proud of the young woman she has become. I run into my two of my girlfriends at the market, quick, excited catch ups. Groceries, laundry and of course words. I need them like air.

Thoughts….

Life is short. Love hard. Treat them as you would want to be treated. Be kind. If you find yourself in a hard situation step outside for a moment and think of the advice you would give your child, family member or friend and apply that to yourself.

Love yourself.

BE KIND ALWAYS!

If you wouldn’t want it done to you, don’t do it to someone else!!!

You can let people know how you feel in a kind way and if it doesn’t change WALK AWAY, silently, with your dignity intact.

ABOVE ALL LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO LIVE THE LIFE YOU DESERVE

Peace for your Sunday ❤

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Sunday evening…..

A long drive home, plenty of time to get lost in thought. Cooking for a few days ahead, laundry, the Bird, the Win and the Tunes. The air filters on and off as the scent of the night linger. The neighbors grilling and their children playing, the family on the other side play catch with their dogs. These are the sounds of my night.

A long drive home, the to do list, the chuck it list and the sweet thoughts about the weekend. You took me to the ballet and I fell in love. So beautiful and heartbreaking. Yes, please, again and a again. In our good clothes we end up in a neighborhood bar, watching the game, enjoying our own company and singing now and then. Everyone falls away and its only you and I.

The contrast of our life….sleep ins, but what about those 6 am mornings? Its been a while, but they are so good. Soft rains and sitting outside, I am sure it was around 3 am. And I am sure I wouldn’t want to be your neighbors. This is what middle of life looks like. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Routine and not so much…sgood (yes, sgood).

So Sunday night. Highs and lows. Feeling my feelings, which I am convinced no one could completely, ever understand. The intuition that kicks in, the words people speak that hurt and the actions they show which do the same. I am observant, a lot more than people give me credit for.

The pineapple mango candle that fills the living room was a gift from a strong woman I admire that I don’t see any more, but think of more than she knows. Permanently stiched in the threads of my heart.

And Theresa, my Idaho Theresa, I hold her heart in my hands, always.

Life is short and should be well lived. I don’t hold fast to the past or the people who damaged pages of my story. I don’t “what if”, because quite honestly there isn’t anything worth “what if’ing”. I love my life in the now.

Instead I have been reminded recently of how short life is. How temporary and fleeting. I think of the quote that carries the words “finite and fragile”, life and love relate to those words for me. We should love while we can. We are not promised….anything. There isn’t a too fast or too slow, we do what is right for us. This is more than the half way point, the rest will be the best. If you can’t feel that, can you feel?

So these are just a few pieces of my extravagant life I choose to share. The human, the moments, breathing, sitting in gratitude for what I have and where I have been. For wisdom. For life.

For all of it.

This is my Sunday evening…..

 

Peace for your Sunday evening….and every day ❤

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Poker Face

When we watch

and wait

Knowing

the unknowing

So cool

with your poker face

The one

everyone reads

So calm

and sweating on the inside

Wondering how you are going to remember

the web you have weaved

You weave them so well

those stories

you tell

And then they

know

and you wonder why they leave

So cool with that poker face

you know,

the one

that shows the hand

you’re holding

 

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Surface

Dig down deep

can you swim

in your own murky waters..

Surfacing

inhaling

holding

on

exhaling

and

letting go

Can you accept another at their depth

Can you hold their darkness

while they seek their light

compassion

empathy

kindness

understanding

can you…

can you embrace the darkest parts of you

and hold another in your light

Can you breathe

Sadness

Grief

loss

the things we struggle with

What lies beneath

the surface

is the most beautiful parts of a human soul

 

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And then you found me…

On a humid summer day

We showed up

We threw the boundaries out the window

and had lunch

She’s 20

and I broke the coffee rule

We walked and talked

And it felt comfortable and right

Do you want to see me again?

I do

and I still do, again and again

And lunch

and lunch

and another

And dinner…

And many more of each

Mornings, evenings and nights

Our bubble

Planting the garden

and weeding it

Smiling with our hearts

and eyes

The pot of gold

and your boys

When you are so happy you cry

And when so good,

feels so right

You

and I

and You and I

and now

We

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Someone once asked….

And someone once asked her what she wanted…

She wanted to sit in a coffee shop on a rainy afternoon and work on the book that she had written a million times in her mind. She wanted to feed her soul with the things she felt most connected to. Words.

Her friends painted and wrote, weaved and crafted treasures for little shops and big. They took pictures of objects and people who fed their souls. They healed their wounds by creating beautiful pieces and places in this life. They left their mark. Yes, she wanted to leave a mark in this life that had meaning.

What did she want? Peace, calm…steady, easy rhythm to life. Not a roller coaster and of ifs and maybes. She wanted certainty. She wanted rain, coffee shops and bookstores. Tea and rosemary, lavender and honey…random simplicities. Big coffee mugs and good people. She wants to listen and be heard, to lift people up and kneel down with…laugh, cry and live life with.

She learned about crows and eagles alone on a desolate road at 12:40 am on a Wednesday morning. She knew about darkness and diving into the depths of it and resurfacing with some clarity. She knew about sleeping and rising alone, and feeling connected and disconnected from life and people.

But it wasnt about what she knew, it was about what she wanted.

Love and happiness……pens and paper….paint and canvas.

Life.

Today she wanted life more than yesterday.

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My journey is my own

My journey is my own. The road I travel is the road I choose…whether it is full of bumps or smooth, it always has something to teach me.

I learn from people all the time…from every exchange there is something to take away. My friend taught me a while ago to “take what you need and leave the rest”. So I went away for a few days, got comfortable and uncomfortable in my own skin and learned a lot. I make my decisions and it is up to me to make myself and my happiness a priority. Sometimes quiet moments alone are exactly what the soul needs in order to heal and find comfort. Mmmmm comfort in your own presence…feels good to think about it. Going to sleep early and waking before dawn..these moments are good moments from my weekend.

My journey is my own and I AM responsible for my happiness.

I have a greater appreciation for people in my life. Even if I don’t see them for long periods and maybe if we don’t speak, if it’s a true connection, it remains. I am grateful for the experiences I had over the weekend and I am more driven than ever to achieve the second of two goals I set last year. So I set the intention and will start working on accomplishing that goal, we will see what comes next.

My journey is my own and I AM responsible for my happiness.

Stuff is stuff….and really not that important. When someone is more concerned with stuff than seeing or hearing from you, it speaks volumes. So that shows you your place in their life and where you stand. It’s up to you if you choose to settle for it. Almost all “stuff” (material items…not personal items) is replaceable. People are not. We need to appreciate those people before they fade from our lives, sometimes you can’t go back or pick up where you left off.

My journey is my own and I AM responsible for my happiness.

Change….I definitely believe that when you get uncomfortable and are forced to make a change it is for the best. I had to figure a few things out this weekend, on my own. It felt liberating and refreshing….”you are in control of your happiness”.

My journey is my own and I AM responsible for my happiness.

Friends….old and new. My friends….I have incredible, meaningful friendships that I treasure. We can long periods without seeing each other and sometimes without speaking to each other and we don’t miss a beat. People you can confide in, without hesitation, who dont judge you, are the best people. They listen with an open heart and advise if you are open to it. Childhood friends, new friends and old friends are good friends.

My journey is my own and I AM responsible for my happiness.

And then there is the realization that life is entirely too short. Five people have passed from November to January…..and things like this make you realize how truly precious life is. Life happens and life waits for no one…I have heard both of these various times over the years and they resonate with me now more than ever. Young, old, healthy and sick….and the moments can come and go that quickly. So what is important? Material stuff? The car you drive? The house? The clothes? Moments…..irreplaceable moments with people you love, these are important.. There is a lot more…but in the end, when the day is done and the sun sets its moments, easy, loving, quiet, even spectacular moments that feed us. Regrets…missed opportunities or risks we didn’t take…LIFE. WAITS. FOR. NO. ONE. Those are the words that come to mind. I wont wait any more ….more of everything.

My journey is my own and I AM responsible for my happiness. 

I lost a fair amount of this piece in the process of uploading it. The point is choose your own path, not the path others would like you to take or that benefits them. The people who you have meaningful connections with will meet you on your journey and encourage you. The rest will fall away. Make choices based on what makes you happy, cherish the people and moments in life…they happen once.

Always remember..your journey is your own ❤

Peace for your Monday night

 

 

 

 

 

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Enough….

You will never be enough for someone who isn’t ready for someone like you. I have observed that it doesn’t really matter how well you love, give or do for someone who isn’t ready for someone like you, it will never be enough.

I went to the market last night and there is a manager there who is always happy and friendly. Even when it’s insanely busy and people are incredibly short, Bobby always has a kind word and a smile for everyone. So as he was helping me I asked him plainly…”what is the secret to life?” He said “To truly know yourself. You are in charge of what you allow someone to take from you. You accept how they treat you, to truly know yourself and your worth is the key”. I think I could have stayed in that line for another half hour receiving his wisdom. Everyone teaches us something, it’s up to us to receive and accept the knowledge. I accepted it….and went home clearer than I was when I arrived.

We are responsible for the energy we give away and the time and effort that is not reciprocated.  We are responsible for how we allow people to treat us. A few things to consider:

  • What is your worth?
  • What are your values?
  • Do you seek these values in the person you are dating or interested in? Do you seek them in the people you surround yourself with?
  • What makes you happy?
  • Do you settle for less than you deserve? Why?
  • What qualities are important to you? Shouldn’t you seek friends or relationships with people who share the same qualities?
  • What do you want for your future?

 

Its important not to waste people’s time or let them waste yours.

I wouldn’t change or take back the things in life that have happened to me, I would not be who I am or know the amazing people who add quality to my days. I know my worth, but the strange part is that I allow people in my life who don’t know or acknowledge it. I know what I want in friendships and a relationship. I can honestly say that the friendships I have now are good, strong friendships that have been in place as far back as 35 years. That says something to me…it says a lot.

Certain experiences have made me a little more guarded, lessons received. I know that some situations repeat themselves until you have had enough and choose change. At some point we will be vulnerable again with others and open ourselves to love and change and more importantly chance.

Chance, Change, Clarity and Certainty

Be mindful of how much of yourself you give to someone who you aren’t enough for…in the end it’s not you who isn’t enough. Some are just never satisfied.

Some of my favorite words “We only pass by this way once”.

So, Peace for you Saturday and for 2018

 

 

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