Tag: self love

Energy and its flow….

Good Tuesday Morning

Its only 8 am and I have accomplished quite a bit this morning. It feels good. Knowing feels good too.

So this morning I have thought a lot about energy. The energy that exists in relationships and material objects from the past. Every so often I like to purge my home of objects that house energy, negative or otherwise. Sometimes its just best to let go. There is a quote out there about what you give your energy or thoughts to, negative or positive and be careful what you feed.

I have been feeding a lot of negative thoughts recently and I have become someone I don’t know very well. I have also been blessed with some amazing opportunities recently. Life is about balance, isn’t it?? I know that I am deserving of the good that has recently came into my life. The opportunity to spend time with some amazing women who share the love of writing with me and I am sure share some threads of similarity in the scars we have.

I purged some yesterday….Its freeing really. It says to me “those thoughts or memories that are attached to you (the item) do not control me and will no longer affect my thought process”.  I don’t replace anything I purge and it gives me strength to let go.

My home is starting to feel good again…there are a few more things that need to be boxed and put in the garage until I figure what to do with them…no tears, only gratitude for the lessons the people connected to them gave me.

To better days and nights ahead….

More smiles and less tears

More love and less anger

To the good things in life

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And she came home….

On a plain piece of notebook paper…she came home.

She wrote all of her desires and needs to be cast into the great unknown on the night of the full moon

She never asked for much, very little in fact

A kind heart and hand

Someone to love and protect her….not hurt her

It seems for so long she attracted the self destructive people

the damaging, the abusive….

the irrevocably broken themselves

All she wanted was what she gave returned to her….

But she didn’t need to tell someone

She needed the someone to see her and know

So, tonight, on the night of the full moon when the energy was at its peak…

She asked for what she longed for…she asked for everything she knows she deserves

As she lit the flame and let it all go

She sensed peace within her soul

and sensed love of self

She needed to bestow the compassion on herself that she so easily gave away

She forgave her self for trusting too much, for trying too hard

She forgave herself for being way to hard on herself and letting others be hard on her

She came home to the woman…not the damaged little girl…

She was at ease in her own skin for the first time in a very long time

She came home

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Monday Morning Thoughts

Its been a while since I have been here….This morning its coffee and random thoughts about life. Last night, like many lately, was sleepless…or more over broken. I am not happy and I have a dog with a damn cone…thats always pleasant at 1 am. Pleasant enough to pull you from bed and then your mind starts whirling.

In the last few weeks a lot has happened. I am divorced…it became final the day before my daughters 19th birthday. Although we haven’t been together in over four years it changed my views on a lot of things and taught me some lessons as well.

  • I hang on to people and relationships so much longer than I should
  • I give until I am drained on many levels
  • I base my happiness on the happiness of others
  • My self care on emotional level is forgotten until I have ran myself in the ground
  • I have had to let go of things that were important to me, things my grandparents and friends gave me because my ex husband refuses to return them. So I learned about material attachment and how the memories are more valuable.
  • There is such a thing as polite bullies. I attract them like fly paper
  • I have learned I don’t have to answer to any one and I only have to take care of myself and my daughter
  • People will use you, even people who love you
  • Friends come and go
  • Not everyone will accept or like you and they don’t have too
  • No matter how much you give some people it will never be enough
  • Your dreams count and you don’t have to adopt the dreams of another

Those are only some of the things I learned. People can be selfish and greedy and it will hurt every time. But mostly I have realized its time to take care of me again. So I bought the car. I will continue to work hard and pick up some extra jobs…because I like to be busy. I have always been on top of my game with my finances, yes, I have over spent, over gave and over done…..now I am done. I am banking the funds…saving for something amazing.

I will spend more time feeding my soul with words, paint, yoga and the gym. Soulfood ❤

Time waits for no one, we are responsible for our own happiness….I don’t want someone to complete me, I want someone to compliment me. And I want to be happy again….

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Layers…..

 

Layers…
We all have layers, they define who we are. Like pieces to a puzzle, they are the makeup of our lives. I believe that as we live we gather layers upon layers. When we create friendships or any type of relationship we peel back a layer to expose a truth, a wound, a memory, a part of ourselves that has been created through the time before now.

Life experiences…sadness…happiness….grief….excitement….creating us, who we are, how we act, the way we feel….the creation of layers.

So as we connect with another we begin to peel back a layer, a gift, to share a piece of ourselves with them. They may not always be pleasant parts of us and they may determine who stays or who goes from our lives. Living authentically and being vulnerable may not always be easy but it definitely makes us happier at the end of the day.

Periodically I will share my layers in hopes that people will realize we all have things in common, threads, where we reflect in another. We have all been through something and at the right time we will meet another and peel back a layer that may comfort them through one of their troubled times.

 

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