In the still moments
in a crowded room
or alone
The echo of
nothingness
Seeking and searching
for what is relevant
and what is not
To listen to the voice
of reason
or insanity
To be gentle
and kind
to yourself
In the still moments
the answers come
the knowing
and sometimes
not
In the still moments we find
what we seek
or don’t
the
answers
are heard
the loudest….
In the still moments
So last November, sitting at a light on Desert Inn and Cimarron I spoke the words “I am ready for change, whatever you give me I am ready for”. By February of this year I wasn’t ready but my words came to light. I believe more than ever that what we speak into the Universe will manifest in our lives. I have been more careful lately and so much more specific. So things changed drastically and quickly. It took some time to adjust to this new life that I asked for. And I wonder why I wasn’t more specific now…. and I know it’s because I wasn’t supposed to be…Every thing is falling into place. Better roads have been placing themselves before me. I observe and pay attention now. What is meant to be is coming together.
Fast forward to last Friday morning, it’s after 1 am and I driving home (damn Desert Inn), I did it again. I was more specific this time. Details….I spoke the fine details of what desire into life. I believe there is a higher power that listens when we speak, regardless of our belief system there are greater forces preparing for what is to come next for us.
And then everything changed yesterday…a simple, subtle change. Checking myself at 5:27 pm “remember what you asked for?”. I do. So now it’s placed before me and it will change a lot, if I allow it. I asked for it, I was specific. It has been constant in my thoughts since then. I take a breath and exhale…..these words come to mind
Permanence in a temporary world
I am not sure where this is really meant to go…I just know I come here to think and heal. Tonight its to contemplate what is placed before me. To feel my way through this, to explore my emotions. I have never been this specific…its time, I know, for a change. Its time to take care of me. To stop coming in last with certain people in my life.
What do you speak into the Universe? Are you specific?
I think I am being shown that what I want is possible, its my choice. It’s up to me. The Universe is conspiring to help me achieve it.
Peace for your Sunday evening ❤
Life is ever-changing. Sometimes it is slow and steady, and sometimes it shakes the foundation of everything you know. Change…is constant and consistent even if we are unaware. Every. Single. Day.
I have learned a lot in life and not always in an easy manner. I have learned about forgiveness. Perhaps one of my greatest lessons is forgiveness. I have learned that when you pick someone up in their darkest hours it doesn’t mean that they will be there when you are merely treading water. Also that when you listen without judgement it wont necessarily be returned when you need it….not from where you thought it would.
Change…colors of leaves…thats what I think of first. Life is changing daily. New choices and decisions. New direction and roads.
The black pants and the white blouse? Hair up or down? Do people judge you because of your tattoos? Weird, random thoughts. Sometimes things just don’t make sense, and sometimes I know they aren’t supposed to.
A new day and a new page. Do you change the paper? Do you change the ink? Solid or lined? You just change.
And the reality of it is ….you go with the flow and learn to begin again. You learn to stop treading and start swimming again. To remember who you are and realize that you are a valuable human being.
And the reality is…you learn to forgive yourself for being hard on you.
Peace for your Saturday night and always.
And someone once asked her what she wanted…
She wanted to sit in a coffee shop on a rainy afternoon and work on the book that she had written a million times in her mind. She wanted to feed her soul with the things she felt most connected to. Words.
Her friends painted and wrote, weaved and crafted treasures for little shops and big. They took pictures of objects and people who fed their souls. They healed their wounds by creating beautiful pieces and places in this life. They left their mark. Yes, she wanted to leave a mark in this life that had meaning.
What did she want? Peace, calm…steady, easy rhythm to life. Not a roller coaster and of ifs and maybes. She wanted certainty. She wanted rain, coffee shops and bookstores. Tea and rosemary, lavender and honey…random simplicities. Big coffee mugs and good people. She wants to listen and be heard, to lift people up and kneel down with…laugh, cry and live life with.
She learned about crows and eagles alone on a desolate road at 12:40 am on a Wednesday morning. She knew about darkness and diving into the depths of it and resurfacing with some clarity. She knew about sleeping and rising alone, and feeling connected and disconnected from life and people.
But it wasnt about what she knew, it was about what she wanted.
Love and happiness……pens and paper….paint and canvas.
Life.
Today she wanted life more than yesterday.
Settled in for the night…
Long day, long few days. My mind drifts to you, and I miss you. Your words, wisdom and synchronistic poems that had more meaning for our lives than others could understand. Pulling cards and writing our hearts out, laughter and tears and vulnerability….but wait..safety and comfort too. And I miss you ❤
I have hardly written at all…too much to say and overwhelmed with thoughts. I applied for jobs and caught up on emails and so here I am, settled in with my girl and our animals. There was popcorn and coconut oil in the pantry and truffle salt in the cabinet. So I made popcorn like you make and we are here and you are there and I miss writing with you more than you know. An almost finished letter sits on my desk…so maybe tomorrow….
Here is to writing and women….and circles
New beginnings and scary endings
And true friendships and rain
And now
Peace in your life and for your Thursday
I want to be who I was before…
Before this rage and anger…yes, I want to be her again.
Happy again.
Happiness is a choice. A choice I need to choose. When things go wrong it’s not always one person who caused it and it’s not okay to lay blame. It is okay however to be accountable for your actions and words.
Duly noted, accountability accepted. Forgiveness sought…accepted, not sure.
I have learned the hard way not to hold back what bothers you. That you should speak up even if it means people wont understand or that they will not like what you say. There is a clear and concise way to express yourself without intentionally hurting someone. The truth can be cutting and hurt, but is always best.
I want to remember her again….
To remember that things happen and people come into your life for a reason. To teach you that you are stronger than you think or maybe just to test you to see what you are made of. Some will love you and some will break you. It’s when you are in the pit of your darkness that you will remember who you are, what you are made of, what you are capable of and what you deserve.
I will be her again….
It’s a choice…to be who we want to be. Kind and giving…that will stay. Wiser, yes. More aware, absolutely. Not everyone has your best interest at heart and you are blessed when you find someone who does. The mind can be a dark playground of doubt and mistrust, creating many possible scenarios and making a person someone they are not.
I don’t want to be her any more.
So, I will be her again, happy again. I will find my place, my peace and forgive myself for speaking harsh words and being someone I am not. We are our own worst critics.
Be easy on yourself….your the only self you’ve got.
Tuesday thoughts……
I sat back last night and started to see the #metoo movement unfold. At first I was a just a bystander and then I thought “what are you afraid of?”. So I shared the post as well. This morning I am amazed at the amount of women, my sisters, friends, strangers who are sharing. I am also amazed at the amount who stay silent. I honor them as well. Some of them are not able to confront that part of their history and maybe they never will. We love you none the less and we will be your voice when you cannot. I know that many don’t feel they can share because of how family or friends will react. That is exactly why many of us chose to stay silent for so long. We hear your silent voices.
I learned a few years ago that you will always share threads with people in life (Thanks T). You can sit in a crowded room and you will find people who will say, “me too” to your life experiences. We are all connected. This morning I sit in honor of all of you, even the silent.
This will be my first post I share on Facebook and there are many of you that I would like to tag but I wont. Please feel free to drop a heart, a comment or maybe just some love for someone you know has experienced this.
Peace for your Monday
Not everyone will have the same heart as yours…..
These words sting. Nothing has ever been more true and felt more deeply. We all get it. Constant learning process…right here….right now…tomorrow is another day
Something Resembling Life 