Poker Face

When we watch

and wait

Knowing

the unknowing

So cool

with your poker face

The one

everyone reads

So calm

and sweating on the inside

Wondering how you are going to remember

the web you have weaved

You weave them so well

those stories

you tell

And then they

know

and you wonder why they leave

So cool with that poker face

you know,

the one

that shows the hand

you’re holding

 

My Sisters

My sisters are amazing….I have more than I can count. I have gathered and collected them throughout the years. There was a period in my life that I did not trust women and would only allow the few that were already behind the wall of trust to stay. In the last several years I have made some amazing friendships and rekindled old ones. Its amazing when many years have passed and there are some friends that never stop being there.

I have worked on myself and damaged myself. It’s a vicious cycle. I tolerate inadequate treatment by so many people and hope for the good. There are still so many inconsiderate people in my life and you can bet I would be riddled with unkind words if I pulled the bullshit on them that they pull on me. One of my favorite things is when someone doesn’t acknowledge you….kidding about the favorite part, but it does show you where you stand with someone and exactly how much they care about you. Not very much in my opinion and I am not one of those who treat people as they treat me,  so to act like they do is not an option for me. I just know you can only hurt someone so much before they are desensitized to that behavior and it no longer matters.

My sisters…..good women. Women who listen and love regardless of the choices I make. They are beautiful and have incredible hearts. I hope that I am half the friend to them that they are to me.

Recently I was having a conversation with one of my favorite blonde counter parts and I said can you imagine how happy we would be if we took each others advice…now that’s funny.

I have sisters in so many states….sometimes my heart aches to be close to them. I miss them. Life happens and we live….keeping connected through heartstrings. I miss their faces, smiles and hugs. We laugh and cry together…I am grateful for them. I suppose I am lonely for them more so tonight….life is about changes. About making yourself happy. I know what their advice would be….and I know what mine would be. When you are in a situation and aren’t sure what you should do…I think you should step out and look in. So what would your advice be to your sisters or for men, your brothers? That’s the advice you should take for yourself. Sometimes you can’t fix broken….sometimes things continue to happen, people continue to treat you poorly and think you are not aware of it.  I wont go any deeper…I just know my sisters will lift me up when I fall. Where would we be without the support of those who love us? I will continue to take the risk and make new friends….I will continue to risk my heart in hopes that there is someone who can hold it the way it needs to be held and reciprocate the love I have to give.

This is for you, my sisters, I honor and love you. To our good times and bad, days filled with people and lonely times too. Without you I don’t know where I would be….

It’s time for change…..

Layers…..

 

Layers…
We all have layers, they define who we are. Like pieces to a puzzle, they are the makeup of our lives. I believe that as we live we gather layers upon layers. When we create friendships or any type of relationship we peel back a layer to expose a truth, a wound, a memory, a part of ourselves that has been created through the time before now.

Life experiences…sadness…happiness….grief….excitement….creating us, who we are, how we act, the way we feel….the creation of layers.

So as we connect with another we begin to peel back a layer, a gift, to share a piece of ourselves with them. They may not always be pleasant parts of us and they may determine who stays or who goes from our lives. Living authentically and being vulnerable may not always be easy but it definitely makes us happier at the end of the day.

Periodically I will share my layers in hopes that people will realize we all have things in common, threads, where we reflect in another. We have all been through something and at the right time we will meet another and peel back a layer that may comfort them through one of their troubled times.

 

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