A long thin ring
and she answers
there is the voice she has heard
for as long as she can remember
and there is this day
She listens as she shares her day
sometimes
she shares it more than once
but thats how it is now
and she detects what some don’t
and the woman tells her
she feels like she belongs
nowhere
and she tells her she loves her
and understands
and they exchange a little more
and a little less
until she cant breathe
and they go
and she knows
she loves
the comfort of her voice
Sorting through my emails just now, I came across the last two and the the prompt sisterhood caught me right away. This is the second time today this word has found its way to me… Its been too long since I have been able to spend time with you writing….so this prompts for you.
Sisterhood
The ease of the chair, the music filtering through the air. Sisterhood, my friends, my sisters by marriage, but oh..my…sister. Her name is Cindy and I have had her in my life for the last 7 years. I flip through the images in my mind. The time she came to visit and we had our pictures taken. I look at her and look for me. In the beginning we shared all of our “me too’s”, likes and loves, gains and loses. We are so similar and very different. She is one of my biggest cheerleaders and my confidant. She is 21 years older than me, but the years fall away between us. We missed so much and gained so much when we connected. She is beautiful and kind, she loves people and people love her. My sister ❤
Sisterhood
Alyse, she is my sister too. She pulled me through the self conscious door when it came to my writing. She watched and allowed me to feel my way through the process of shutting down my inner critic who was concerned with what others thought about my wiring. I admire her, her gifts and her friendship. She is one of many. The Sisterhood, the intuits, the executives, the homegirls, the chicks I love. The Green is for you One. The Rain washes away the unnecessary one, the strawberry shortcake one, the lick your face one. The Pittsburgh one. The artist. The writer. The supportive. The blonde one. The three of them. The German and the French ones. I honor all of my sisters. They all bring something very unique to the table and always a lot of love.
So this prompt is for you Alyse….I miss prompts with you.
So last November, sitting at a light on Desert Inn and Cimarron I spoke the words “I am ready for change, whatever you give me I am ready for”. By February of this year I wasn’t ready but my words came to light. I believe more than ever that what we speak into the Universe will manifest in our lives. I have been more careful lately and so much more specific. So things changed drastically and quickly. It took some time to adjust to this new life that I asked for. And I wonder why I wasn’t more specific now…. and I know it’s because I wasn’t supposed to be…Every thing is falling into place. Better roads have been placing themselves before me. I observe and pay attention now. What is meant to be is coming together.
Fast forward to last Friday morning, it’s after 1 am and I driving home (damn Desert Inn), I did it again. I was more specific this time. Details….I spoke the fine details of what desire into life. I believe there is a higher power that listens when we speak, regardless of our belief system there are greater forces preparing for what is to come next for us.
And then everything changed yesterday…a simple, subtle change. Checking myself at 5:27 pm “remember what you asked for?”. I do. So now it’s placed before me and it will change a lot, if I allow it. I asked for it, I was specific. It has been constant in my thoughts since then. I take a breath and exhale…..these words come to mind
Permanence in a temporary world
I am not sure where this is really meant to go…I just know I come here to think and heal. Tonight its to contemplate what is placed before me. To feel my way through this, to explore my emotions. I have never been this specific…its time, I know, for a change. Its time to take care of me. To stop coming in last with certain people in my life.
What do you speak into the Universe? Are you specific?
I think I am being shown that what I want is possible, its my choice. It’s up to me. The Universe is conspiring to help me achieve it.
Peace for your Sunday evening ❤
She made a list once
Of the things that needed to be taken care of
When she wasn’t here any more
Who to call
and contact
and lean on
All the information needed
in the finality of life
And then she learned
about another lady who made a list
Much like hers
And she realized that it was
not the time for her list
So she tucked it away
Hoping and knowing
time heals
and mends
and changes
and sometimes it’s not good
to make lists like hers
Life is ever-changing. Sometimes it is slow and steady, and sometimes it shakes the foundation of everything you know. Change…is constant and consistent even if we are unaware. Every. Single. Day.
I have learned a lot in life and not always in an easy manner. I have learned about forgiveness. Perhaps one of my greatest lessons is forgiveness. I have learned that when you pick someone up in their darkest hours it doesn’t mean that they will be there when you are merely treading water. Also that when you listen without judgement it wont necessarily be returned when you need it….not from where you thought it would.
Change…colors of leaves…thats what I think of first. Life is changing daily. New choices and decisions. New direction and roads.
The black pants and the white blouse? Hair up or down? Do people judge you because of your tattoos? Weird, random thoughts. Sometimes things just don’t make sense, and sometimes I know they aren’t supposed to.
A new day and a new page. Do you change the paper? Do you change the ink? Solid or lined? You just change.
And the reality of it is ….you go with the flow and learn to begin again. You learn to stop treading and start swimming again. To remember who you are and realize that you are a valuable human being.
And the reality is…you learn to forgive yourself for being hard on you.
Peace for your Saturday night and always.
And someone once asked her what she wanted…
She wanted to sit in a coffee shop on a rainy afternoon and work on the book that she had written a million times in her mind. She wanted to feed her soul with the things she felt most connected to. Words.
Her friends painted and wrote, weaved and crafted treasures for little shops and big. They took pictures of objects and people who fed their souls. They healed their wounds by creating beautiful pieces and places in this life. They left their mark. Yes, she wanted to leave a mark in this life that had meaning.
What did she want? Peace, calm…steady, easy rhythm to life. Not a roller coaster and of ifs and maybes. She wanted certainty. She wanted rain, coffee shops and bookstores. Tea and rosemary, lavender and honey…random simplicities. Big coffee mugs and good people. She wants to listen and be heard, to lift people up and kneel down with…laugh, cry and live life with.
She learned about crows and eagles alone on a desolate road at 12:40 am on a Wednesday morning. She knew about darkness and diving into the depths of it and resurfacing with some clarity. She knew about sleeping and rising alone, and feeling connected and disconnected from life and people.
But it wasnt about what she knew, it was about what she wanted.
Love and happiness……pens and paper….paint and canvas.
Life.
Today she wanted life more than yesterday.
Settled in for the night…
Long day, long few days. My mind drifts to you, and I miss you. Your words, wisdom and synchronistic poems that had more meaning for our lives than others could understand. Pulling cards and writing our hearts out, laughter and tears and vulnerability….but wait..safety and comfort too. And I miss you ❤
I have hardly written at all…too much to say and overwhelmed with thoughts. I applied for jobs and caught up on emails and so here I am, settled in with my girl and our animals. There was popcorn and coconut oil in the pantry and truffle salt in the cabinet. So I made popcorn like you make and we are here and you are there and I miss writing with you more than you know. An almost finished letter sits on my desk…so maybe tomorrow….
Here is to writing and women….and circles
New beginnings and scary endings
And true friendships and rain
And now
Peace in your life and for your Thursday
I sat across from her listening to her reveal the layers of her life while we sipped coffee this morning. Warm, comforting goodness in a rather large cup and the security of knowing her secrets were safe with me (and yes, she knows I am writing this).
We discussed why things happen the way they do and why life can’t be a little more gentle. I told her maybe if we were more gentle with ourselves the Universe would return it to us.
You see, she has been in a situation that is not healthy for her mind, body and soul..and hardest on her heart. I told her you cannot expect someone to treat you as you treat them. It doesn’t always work out that way. Show up, be authentic and hope that you are interacting with a decent human being.
She told me that the relationship she has been in is one-sided for, well, for a very long time. I am sad for her. She deserves so much better. The people who this other person chooses to look at or pay attention to are so different from her and would never treat her counterpart as well as she does.
Her eyes fell to her hands wrapped around her cup and tears silently ran down her cheeks.
I wonder how people can treat people so poorly and not even think twice about it. How they can justify their actions in their mind as okay? If she isn’t what you want, set her free. She deserves kindness, love, friendship and most of all respect and loyalty.
She deserves what she gives to you.
She is well put together, takes care of her self and her responsibilities and there she is trying to save remnants of something…something….I can’t even classify what she is trying to save. Her heart? Her sanity? They have destroyed her….weakened her. She allowed it. She is partially to blame, but so are they. It’s amazing to me that some people can’t take responsibility for their actions that caused cracks in the foundation of a relationship. Its easier to lay blame on the innocent and make them feel like it was their fault that they stayed, tried and tolerated bullshit that they shouldn’t have. Wouldn’t you want someone to give you a second chance if you messed up? And when she did it was met with more secrets and betrayal.
I get her Kleenex and hug her. She cries and we sit in silence for a while. I shift the conversation to some small vacations I want to take this year…she has some interest. She thinks about going to see family or friends in California for a few days. There are things to see in life and good people still exist out there. Life will move forward and time will ease the emotions she feels.
She asks why? I have no logical answer why she lets this happen. There are people who remind her of who she is, where she has been and what she is worth. I know there are people who would love her wholly in a moment if she allowed them. And while I understand they are not for her, I just try to comfort her by telling her there is someone who would appreciate the woman she is.
So here is to the security of good friends, warm cups of coffee, the things in life that pull us to together because of whats torn us apart.
It’s a new day…..
Something Resembling Life 