Tag: understanding

Enough….

You will never be enough for someone who isn’t ready for someone like you. I have observed that it doesn’t really matter how well you love, give or do for someone who isn’t ready for someone like you, it will never be enough.

I went to the market last night and there is a manager there who is always happy and friendly. Even when it’s insanely busy and people are incredibly short, Bobby always has a kind word and a smile for everyone. So as he was helping me I asked him plainly…”what is the secret to life?” He said “To truly know yourself. You are in charge of what you allow someone to take from you. You accept how they treat you, to truly know yourself and your worth is the key”. I think I could have stayed in that line for another half hour receiving his wisdom. Everyone teaches us something, it’s up to us to receive and accept the knowledge. I accepted it….and went home clearer than I was when I arrived.

We are responsible for the energy we give away and the time and effort that is not reciprocated.  We are responsible for how we allow people to treat us. A few things to consider:

  • What is your worth?
  • What are your values?
  • Do you seek these values in the person you are dating or interested in? Do you seek them in the people you surround yourself with?
  • What makes you happy?
  • Do you settle for less than you deserve? Why?
  • What qualities are important to you? Shouldn’t you seek friends or relationships with people who share the same qualities?
  • What do you want for your future?

 

Its important not to waste people’s time or let them waste yours.

I wouldn’t change or take back the things in life that have happened to me, I would not be who I am or know the amazing people who add quality to my days. I know my worth, but the strange part is that I allow people in my life who don’t know or acknowledge it. I know what I want in friendships and a relationship. I can honestly say that the friendships I have now are good, strong friendships that have been in place as far back as 35 years. That says something to me…it says a lot.

Certain experiences have made me a little more guarded, lessons received. I know that some situations repeat themselves until you have had enough and choose change. At some point we will be vulnerable again with others and open ourselves to love and change and more importantly chance.

Chance, Change, Clarity and Certainty

Be mindful of how much of yourself you give to someone who you aren’t enough for…in the end it’s not you who isn’t enough. Some are just never satisfied.

Some of my favorite words “We only pass by this way once”.

So, Peace for you Saturday and for 2018

 

 

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Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

What do you take for granted? And what part of your life do you repeat with the same results?

I have been thinking about this a lot over the last few days. What do we take for granted? Or who? What are we repeating so that nothing changes?? What is stagnant in your life?

For me it’s probably the time we think we have with people in our lives. Things change and with these changes comes perspective. Life isn’t forever and we seem to let so much slip by us and only give it a thought when we lose someone close to us. It is sad that it takes something of such permanence to make us appreciate what or who we had. To make us think a little more clear and honor ourselves, those around us and this glorious thing called life. When a life, relationship or friend ceases to exist that’s when we realize the importance of it. It’s not only about life and death…but life and loss. And love.

You may think that your loved one, friend, partner..spouse or however you want to define what you have, will always be there without hesitation. People need to know they are loved, appreciated and cared for. If you let time slip by you may not have the opportunity to let them know. Small, simple gestures, I have learned and experienced are the greatest. Reaching out periodically, because true ties surpass time and space. I am blessed to have many people in my life that I can pick right back up with without hesitation.

I have observed people who wont take chances or make changes necessary to move forward or make their experience better. The lonely and heartbroken who wont take a chance simply because they don’t want the same experience to be repeated. I think that risk is in order for them. That heartbreak or bad experience came with some good, there was a road taken to get there and it couldn’t have all been bad. Or maybe you chose to ignore the red flags, I know I have, I am more than sure we all have. It is said that the Universe gives you what you are ready for. So it is given, placed perfectly in your path and you choose what?? Fight it and push forward continuing the same existence or you open the door and allow it in? Everyone experiences pain…but in the same, they experience great happiness as well.

So,

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

It. Will. Always. Stay. The. Same.

If. You. Don’t. Change. It.

Change is imminent. It comes right on time when we need it most. I think we are given what we are ready for. That it’s up to us to accept it and create something wonderful from it or at least take the risk to see whats possible.  I know personally I am always up for that risk. I will always love and forgive as much as I can. It doesn’t mean I need to continue or stay. It might even mean I love myself enough to take better care of me.  I have experienced people leaving too soon and not being able to say what I wanted too, friendships have ceased to exist or we outgrew each other and people have treated me shitty. I don’t return the favor because at some point in life, someone or some situations will give it right back to them. It’s not for us to be unkind or cruel because someone has treated us that way. Life will deal the hand accordingly, it’s better to be a bystander when this is the case, instead of a participant.

So this is life. Treat people the way you want to be treated and in return I hope what you give out is given back in great amounts.

Be kind. Be good. Be true. Be the best you that you can be.

Peace for your Tuesday night.

One more…..
What you take for granted…someone else is praying for ❤

5

All of it

When she says she is sorry for all of it, this is what she means

She is sorry that she gave you parts of herself that you disregarded

That she gave so much and forgot to take

That you mistook her kindness for weakness

She is sorry she made it all acceptable, even though it wasn’t

and isn’t

and never will be

And she is sorry she let you push her so hard and so far

that she became someone she was not

And she finally accepted that she isn’t part of all of it

at all

and that’s okay

And that no matter how much she gives

it will never be enough

That she needs to put her needs first

her happiness is up to her

When she says she is sorry for all of it….she means

She is sorry you can’t see her value

and that someday you will

That you can’t see what you have in her

Because someone will see all of her for exactly who she is

So maybe

just maybe

She isn’t sorry for all of it at all

 

 

 

 

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I want to be HER again.

I want to be who I was before…

Before this rage and anger…yes, I want to be her again.

Happy again.

Happiness is a choice. A choice I need to choose. When things go wrong it’s not always one person who caused it and it’s not okay to lay blame. It is okay however to be accountable for your actions and words.

Duly noted, accountability accepted. Forgiveness sought…accepted, not sure.

I have learned the hard way not to hold back what bothers you. That you should speak up even if it means people wont understand or that they will not like what you say. There is a clear and concise way to express yourself without intentionally hurting someone. The truth can be cutting and hurt, but is always best.

I want to remember her again….

To remember that things happen and people come into your life for a reason. To teach you that you are stronger than you think or maybe just to test you to see what you are made of. Some will love you and some will break you. It’s when you are in the pit of your darkness that you will remember who you are, what you are made of, what you are capable of and what you deserve.

I will be her again….

It’s a choice…to be who we want to be. Kind and giving…that will stay. Wiser, yes. More aware, absolutely. Not everyone has your best interest at heart and you are blessed when you find someone who does. The mind can be a dark playground of doubt and mistrust, creating many possible scenarios and making a person someone they are not.

I don’t want to be her any more.

So, I will be her again, happy again. I will find my place, my peace and forgive myself for speaking harsh words and being someone I am not. We are our own worst critics.

Be easy on yourself….your the only self you’ve got.

Tuesday thoughts……

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Take a deeper look……

Take a deeper look at the woman you are with.

What do you see?

She will not show you every layer of who she is, because she doesn’t trust that fully.

She will supply you with amazing strength, kindness and love, but will rarely do the same for herself.

She is a mother, a daughter, a sister, friend…she is a lot.

And she is too little sometimes.

Take a deeper look.

If you cannot walk the walk with her, move on.

She doesn’t deserve a half assed love or coming in last.

Take a deeper look…

she laughs and cries,

she is funny and serious

She seeks permanence in a temporary world

Are you strong enough to dive into the depth of the being that she is?

To witness every layer that makes up the person she is

Take a deeper look at yourself….

Will you allow her to see you for who you are at your core?

To bare you secrets at the darkest

and share your greatest accomplishments

Are you able to reveal yourself ?

To be the glorious being you are and let her celebrate you

and accept you

Take a deeper look…..

What do you see?

And how much of you do you allow others to see?

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Just Stop!

I sometimes write about things that hit me randomly and put them up on Instagram. The above is what happened a few days ago, when I only had minutes and words crept in. Sometimes people show up in your life, say something to you and you remember that you worthy and capable of so much more. And sometimes something about them lights a creative fire in your thoughts.

They remind you of what you want and more importantly who you are. I set aside needs, goals and desires to take care of others in my life. Sometimes I get so lost in caring for others I forget about me. Actually more than sometimes.

I think we run from what has hurt us in the past, thinking if we run fast and hard enough it will never happen again. So this made me think, am I so busy running that I am passing right by that which I seek?? Maybe I am so busy looking for what I don’t want that I am missing what I do want. Just because someone hurt you or something didn’t turn out right doesn’t mean it will happen again. So if you fear being hurt in a relationship or friendship because you have been betrayed and someone amazing comes along but you don’t even entertain the idea of allowing them in your life you may miss something wonderful. Think about the bad situations that you have been through. There had to have been some good there at some point. Typically these situations didn’t start out bad. You would have missed the good or even great moments if you hadn’t taken the risk. Just because someone doesn’t know how to love you or treat you, doesn’t mean there isn’t someone else who will. People are strange and most times don’t realize what they have until they have risked it in some way or until its completely taken from them. All the bad times or grief you have been through has made room for new people, experiences and opportunities, sometimes teaching us powerful lessons along the way. I say let people judge you and even reject you, not like we have a choice in that matter anyway. Learn from it and press on. They are showing you who they are and more importantly what you don’t deserve…they are making room for the new in your life. Clearing old stagnant situations, creating growth and room for whats to come.

So much has happened and changed in the last several years. Separation, divorce, decisions, let downs…I think those are the worst. The breaking of trust. The impact the treatment of others can have on your life, your mental and emotional well-being. People who I thought I knew, I didn’t. Hearts I thought were pure, were not. Character…..says a lot about a person. One of my favorite women comes to mind – Dr. Maya Angelou, “When people show you who they are, believe them”. I regret very few things in my life, my biggest is not honoring myself for many years. I was who I thought I should be, who I thought people wanted me to be. When I realized how detrimental this was to me and those around me it was a powerful, often trying, transformation in life.

I am here, whole, sometimes broken, but aren’t we all in some way? I do the best to be the best version of me. I still struggle with internalizing things, with judgement of others and how it affects me. I don’t open my mouth enough and take things personally that I shouldn’t. This is where that character thing comes into play..where they show you who they are.

Bottom line….Live the life you want, make decisions based on your happiness.

And once again…we pass by this way only once.

Peace for your Friday ❤

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To let me love you….

What this means…..

It means I will support you unconditionally, that there is no judgement in the things you have done prior to here or what you do, unless it is detrimental to you, me or us. When you ask my opinion I will give it freely, even if it’s not what you want to hear. I will be your 3 am or 7 pm on any given day. I will respect you, your words, thoughts and actions. I will love you for you, not what you are or are not and not what you could be. I accept you wholly the way you are.

It means I will be insecure sometimes and need your kindness and tenderness. I will have an interest in the things you enjoy and try new things with you. I will work towards a future with you and beside you if that’s the path we choose. I will honor you as my other half and as your individual self.

To let me love you means that I will be respectful of you and your feelings.

To let me love you means that I trust you without abandon unless you give me reason not too

But I am not so sure you can love me…….even close to the same.

Its funny the things that strike you to write about….

 

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We. Are. All. Broken.

We. Are. All. Broken.

Broken crayons still color…..

How do you hold it in? Better yet…how much longer?

So, yes, broken crayons still color. I function on a daily basis, holding onto sadness, heartache and heart break. Even anger. Happiness too. I  seem to struggle more than not lately. I know its because of what I keep to myself. I never tell anyone everything, after all, who is that trust worthy??? Very few in your life, if you really dig deep, are that true and really want whats best for you. It would be nice if everyone had the same heart and honored the things that you do.

We. Are. All. Broken. 

I am a builder, creator by nature…it comes naturally and easily to strive for a better life. I am not motivated by money, but by love and happiness. People lack that these days….happiness. So many people never fill their cup…enough. I do not envy those who are in constant need of bigger, better and more. If you live a good life and you are a good person, what you need will come and very often in more ways than you can imagine. I believe in treating people well, not how they treat you, but how you would like to be treated. I love people, but that doesn’t mean that I need to interact with all of them. Be wise and careful with your energy. There are some that are miserable within and would like nothing more than for you to sink into that pit with them. Give yourself permission to walk away from that which no longer serves you. Those who do not appreciate you will when there is no longer a you to appreciate. There have been people in my life that so ignorantly wronged me and I moved on without hesitation or a look back….even to this day I do not understand people who think they can continue to try to be a part of your life after the hell they caused.

We. Are. All. Broken.

End game….what do you want? I want a happy life. I am sure people would be surprised at what that consists of for me.

I came and emptied my thoughts….brings a long overdue and temporary peace for now. I know I am not the only broken one……

We. Are. All. Broken.

Like attracts like…..I am attracting like right now and they are good humans..restores my faith in humanity and human kindness. Some broken crayons color the BEST!!!

We. Are. All. Broken.

Color your day beYOUtiful!!!

 

 

 

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Victim mentality….

I have heard this term used in many ways and had to do a little digging on the meaning. I have been through a lot of shit in my life, therapy included, and not once have I been told that I blame others for whats been done to me. This includes my childhood and adult life.

So if you notice a particular behavior from someone…does that mean that you are saying you are a victim? I don’t think so, I think you are just becoming very aware of whats in front of you.

I thought yesterday “I may be slow, but I will see it or get it” and there it is. When I say that I mean intentions or whats important. Someone who was once in my life said to me I always see the best in people and take them for what they show me in the beginning because I hope that everyone is kind and good. I do…

So last night as I was going to bed my phone rang. It was my Lisa Jane. I was sure that it was an accidental dial, but so happy when her voice reached out from the other end. Lisa Jane and I met at work in the early 90’s. Thats my girl, my sis, one of my Lifetime Friends. We have been through all phases of life together, we might even have wanted to kill each other at one point. I love you girl!!

So we caught up on a few things and something silly and exciting. And then turned our conversation to the subject of “victim mentality” which then turned into victim vs survivor. If you do anything in your life, ask one of you dearest and longest friends for a truth about you. Believe me, if I did it, resembled it or projected it, Lisa Jane would be one to tell me the truth. It doesn’t matter about tears or hurt feelings, its deep honesty from someone who knows you well. Its love. So here we are with our three-hour time difference discussing the topic at hand. I asked her if I projected that. She said never.

Random thought….when you blame others for your actions or outcomes of situations that they didn’t/couldn’t control, what is that? Not being accountable for your part in what was done??

Any way, she said for all the years she has known me I have never blamed anyone for anything. She also mentioned that I have always been a giver. I didn’t even realize that this has been part of my makeup for my whole life. I love my girlfriend. She tells it like it is. She said you are not a victim you are a survivor, she knows my stuff. We also mirror each other in what we have been through in our lives. Soulmates she said, its deeper than that.

There are so many things that could be said but in the end we teach people how to treat us by what we accept and we also learn by example. I also believe that when you have been a victim of circumstances beyond your control, sharing your story is healing. I don’t mean walk around telling everyone what happened to you, but when they confide in you, its okay to say, “me too”. Stand in your truth, its one of the most healing things you can do. If you have wronged someone be accountable for your actions.

Thats enough for this morning….

I am blessed to have you Lisa Jane. Thank you for your insight and being unapologetically honest with me always.

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